527 Slices
Medium 9781626564312

PART IV Spreading Peace

The Arbinger Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

“Do you remember yesterday morning when I drew a pyramid and divided it into two levels?” Yusuf asked. “I called one level ‘dealing with things that are going wrong,’ and the deeper level ‘helping things go right.’ Remember?”

Everyone nodded.

“Then you’ll remember how we agreed that we normally spend most of our time dealing with things that are going wrong, even though that isn’t ideal.”

Again, the group nodded.

“I’d like to give you more detail around that pyramid,” he said. “It forms a structure that governs everything we do here at Camp Moriah with the children, with the staff, and with you. It shows not only how to find peace, but how to make it. It shows how to replace conflict with cooperation.”

At that, Yusuf turned and drew a pyramid similar to the one he had drawn the day before. As before, he divided it between dealing with things that are going wrong and helping things go right. But then he divided it still further into six levels and wrote “Correct” in the top level.

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Medium 9781855750128

CHAPTER FIVE: A systematic account of the different trauma-organized systems in various forms of family violence

Arnon Bentovim Karnac Books ePub

Empirical research and clinical observation are now beginning to present a more systematic account of the elements that make up trauma-organized systems in various family violence patterns. A key element is the attachment pattern between parent and child.


Physical and emotional abuse and neglect represent extreme abnormalities of parenting. Therefore a major deficiency of attachment behaviour occurs between parents and children, and such patterns are an integral component of the trauma-organized system.

There is a great deal of confirmatory evidence that attachment patterns between parents and children where abuse occurs are highly insecure (Egeland & Sroufe, 1981; Crittenden, 1988). Empirical investigations with adults who were abused as children are now defining the way that these patterns originate and develop and their specific effects on relationship patterns. To explore these patterns it is first necessary to describe normative patterns of attachment.

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Medium 9780819848376

Chapter 13: God's Tiny Messenger

Danielle Bean Pauline Books and Media ePub

Chapter 13

God’s Tiny Messenger

Remembering What Matters Most


I am preparing dinner. This means, of course, that eighteen-month-old Stephen is firmly affixed to my leg, piercing my ears with the high-pitched whine of an emergency vehicle siren. In a moment of inspiration, I abandon the browning hamburger, gather up my screeching ambulance, and plop him in his high chair with a bowlful of orange wedges. I have bought myself some peace, but it doesn’t last long. Next, three-year-old Juliette and four-year-old Ambrose come tearing down the stairs each trying to out-shout the other in an effort to give me their own version of an argument first. “He won’t share!” I make out, and, “She’s ruining everything!”

Still feeling inspired, I decide to distract them with some music, a recently purchased, still-exciting “Veggie Tales” CD to be exact. I ignore the fact that they are making faces at each other as I search out the CD. I ignore the fact that Stephen is giggling and feeding the dog his oranges as I plug in the player. I insert the CD, push play, and somehow, through the magic of singing Christian vegetables, peace reigns once again. For a moment.

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Medium 9781574412697

The Benjamin Project

Dan E. Burns University of North Texas Press PDF

The Benjamin Project

If no one would help me, I would have to recover Ben myself. I

rented a suite in the back wing of Rainbow Apartments, an outof-the-way, sunny third-floor location where Ben’s tantrums would be shielded, I hoped, from the prying eyes of neighbors and Child

Protective Services.

Catherine Maurice described the staffing procedure, and it sounded straightforward enough. I was going to need six therapists working in shifts for a total of forty hours a week. Recruit college psychology students. Pay double minimum wage. Train them myself.

I set myself a goal. By noon, I would write six letters to the psychology departments of local universities, asking them to post a help-wanted notice on their bulletin boards.

I wrote out a task list:

1. Look up the universities.

2. Make the mailing list.

3. Address the envelopes.

4. Call the departments.

I froze. This can’t possibly work, I thought. The secretary who’d answer the phone would not understand what I was talking about.

Your son is what? Autistic? And you want to recover him? Ah-ha-haha-ha-ha-ha. Autistic children don’t recover. No, you may not speak

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Medium 9780819848376

Chapter 3: Time Flies

Danielle Bean Pauline Books and Media ePub

Chapter 3

Time Flies

Gaining Perspective


My two-year-old daughter is an exhibitionist. At every opportunity, she sheds her clothes, including her diaper, and leaves them in every corner of the house. This endearing habit leads to some messes (she isn’t potty trained) and some embarrassment (we do occasionally have guests). We have tried bribing, punishing, distracting, scolding, and ignoring, but nothing seems to stop the stripping. So, what am I going to do?

I am going to wait.

Next month, my daughter will find some other means of trying my patience, or perhaps she will become a temporary angel and another of my children will take over the responsibilities of “family rascal.” The one thing I am sure of, though, is that one day the strip show will stop.

I have not always had such perspective.

For example, my first child was a particularly difficult infant. From the moment she was born, her gaze penetrated mine in a most unnerving way. She was not at all the passive, defenseless creature I had spent nine months imagining. Her small body felt stiff and solid beneath the blankets. Her legs kicked hard against the swaddling. With her intense stare, she seemed already to be checking me out, this mother she had been born to, and evaluating my fitness for the job. My new daughter was strong, bold, and confident.

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