286 Chapters
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Medium 9781576750919

PeopleSmart Skill 8

Silberman, Mel Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

If you never budge, don’t expect a push.


It’s often good advice to be yourself. If you are in your fifties, you would not pass as a cool teenager in the company of adolescents. If you are a formal person, you would probably look and feel ridiculous being flamboyant. It’s hard to pretend to be the kind of person you aren’t, and it’s often counterproductive. You lose your genuineness and dampen the many strengths you’ve taken a lifetime to develop. You also confuse other people who know you for who you are and are disconcerted when you behave differently.202

Nevertheless, high PQ people know that there are times when it’s necessary to shift gears. They don’t change with the winds like most politicians but they appreciate that when things are stuck, behaving in new ways can get things moving again. The Bible provides interesting cases in point:

The Biblical Jacob represents an intriguing example of someone with many personal strengths who had difficulty shifting gears. The younger twin brother of Esau, Jacob pretended, at his mother’s urging, to be Esau so that his nearly blind father, Isaac, would bestow upon him the blessing of inheritance. If he had not done so, Esau, the firstborn but of questionable character, would have succeeded Isaac. At the same time, Jacob’s deceit created a nearly fatal estrangement from his brother Esau. To his credit, Jacob did well with his responsibility. He spiritually wrestled with the angel of God and survived. He became a vital link in the transmission of the Biblical covenant between God and the Israelites. Through his two wives, Leah and Rachel, and his concubines, he had twelve sons who became the heads of the Twelve Tribes of Israel. However, his own life was marked by anguish and pain, especially over the apparent death of his favorite son, Joseph, who, in fact, was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers. The tragedy occurred because Jacob did not learn from his own childhood experience of sibling rivalry and gave his favorite son a “coat of many colors” and a special place in his heart.203

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Medium 9781574412970

Secret 11:Go Confidently with Expert Encouragement

Kalena Cook and Margaret Christensen, M.D. University of North Texas Press PDF


Go Confidently with

Expert Encouragement

Ina May Gaskin, C.P.M.

Founder and Director of The Farm Midwifery Center, Author and

Founding Member of Midwives Alliance of North America

Spiritual Midwifery, by midwife Ina May Gaskin, inspired the collecting of natural birth stories from women of today for this book.

The Farm’s Midwifery Center delivered 1723 births over a nineteenyear period with an outstanding safety record: zero maternal mortality and only ten neonatal mortalities, three of which being lethal abnormalities.The majority were home births with 4.2 percent in a hospital. Only

1.4 percent of the births were C-sections.

So far, Ina May Gaskin is the only midwife that a birth maneuver has been named after. The Gaskin Maneuver is a position of the mom on all fours—hands and knees—for assisting shoulder dystocia. If a baby’s shoulder becomes stuck during delivery, moving the mom into this positioning allows gravity to open the way for the gentle birth.

Another term coined by Ina May is the “Sphincter Law.”The circular muscles of our body stay closed until they need to release the contents of the organ. “You can’t order a sphincter to open. Why don’t we call the cervix a sphincter?” Ina May asks. In dilation for labor, the Sphincter Law explains when a woman may be dilated but suddenly closes to a smaller opening because of being afraid or sensing the anxiety of someone in the room. Understanding how much the setting and her vulnerability affects the birthing mom means offering privacy, access to food and drink, and allowing her to labor with love instead of fear for the best outcomes.

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Medium 9780253001177

1. Understanding Children’s Clothing

Jo B. Paoletti Indiana University Press ePub


What is the purpose of cultural patterns such as gender conventions in clothing? How do we explain their existence? Do they simply arise out of a need in an earlier time and then continue through mindless transmission? Do they stem from societal structures and conflicts, manifested as material objects and patterns of their use? Or are they responses to those social structures—the way we change them over time to suit our changing environment? Or can our material world be reduced to the embodiment of neural impulses, evolutionary biology, or unconscious fears and desires? Unlike older children, babies and toddlers have little choice in their clothing, which reflects the attitudes and beliefs of adults. Since children are known to acquire sex role stereotypes and begin to fit their own identities to these cultural norms during these first years of life, this is a particularly useful way to understand how gender norms are negotiated, expressed, learned, and changed. It is important that we understand that these supposed “traditions” are of recent vintage and that they represent the culmination of just over a century of dramatic change in what has been considered appropriate dress for infants and small children.

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Medium 9781574411904

Chapter 1: Description

Naomi Scott University of North Texas Press PDF

Chapter One


A fourteen-year-old with cerebral palsy, frail of limb but stout with courage, grips the surcingle handle tightly. His body sways slightly with each stride of his palomino mount as it is led around a large arena.

Another volunteer and I walk on either side, holding him firmly on the bareback pad, supporting his thighs, offering smiles and praise.

An instructor follows, closely observing and encouraging, “You’re doing great, Brandon. Try to relax. They won’t let you fall.”

Slowly his muscles, taut beneath my fingers, begin to soften. His fear of the unknown turns to excitement and he grins, then laughs out loud, again and again. He is riding a horse for the first time. To him it’s just fun. He doesn’t know it is going to spare him the ordeal of surgery.

A five-year-old autistic boy, who does not speak, and barely communicates, gazes vacantly into space as I lead his horse away from the mounting area. After a couple of laps, the child smiles, leans forward, reaches out, and taps his horse on the neck, his way of saying, “Let’s trot.” We pick up the pace, breeze flicks tousled curls from his forehead, and he laughs, his hand in the air. His instructor has worked for weeks to connect this gesture with trotting, which his smiles and body language show he loves to do.

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Medium 9781574411621

photo gallery

Donna S. Davenport University of North Texas Press PDF
Medium 9781576755846

19 Locating the Peace Within

The Arbiner Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

“Lou,” Avi said, “a few minutes ago you asked how you can get out of the boxes you find yourself in—out of the blame, the self-justification, the internal warring, the apparent stuckness.”

“Yes,” Lou said.

“From this story I’ve just shared, I’d like to highlight for you what I believe were the keys to my being released from the captivity of my own boxes—the getting-out-of-the-box process, as it were.”

Lou nodded in both assent and anticipation.

“First of all,” Avi began, “you need to realize something about the box. Since the box is just a metaphor for how I am in relationship with another person, I can be both in and out of the box at the same time, just in different directions. That is, I can be blaming and justifying toward my wife, for example, and yet be living straightforwardly toward Yusuf, or vice versa. Given the hundreds of relationships I have at any given time, even if I am deeply in a box toward one person, I am nearly always out of the box toward someone else.”

“Okay,” Lou said pensively, wondering why this might be significant.

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Naomi Scott University of North Texas Press PDF

GLOSSARY ing the people, animals, nature, and situations therein, emphasizing emotional, mental, social, physical, and spiritual well-being.

Frog (horse anatomy): Wedge-shaped substance in the sole of the hoof which acts as a cushion.

Gerontology: The scientific study of the process and problems of aging.

Hackamore: Circular device fitting around a horse’s muzzle, an alternative to a metal bit in his mouth, by which the rider communicates signals.

Half-halt: With a rider mounted, the horse is slowed almost to a stop, and then abruptly urged back to normal speed.

Harrington Rod Insertion: A procedure to stabilize the spine by fusing together two or more vertebrae, using either metal (Harrington) rods or bone grafts.

Hemispherectomy: Excision of one cerebral hemisphere, undertaken due to intractable (not adequately controlled by medication) epilepsy, and other cerebral conditions.

Hippotherapy: From the Greek word for horse, hippos, literally meaning therapy with the aid of a horse.

Infantile Spasms: Brief (typically one to five seconds) seizures occurring in clusters of two to one hundred at a time, with possibly dozens of episodes per day.

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Medium 9781576754801


Vargas, Roberto Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

To be a successful family activist and create the change we desire in the world requires preparation and grounding. This involves connecting with what nurtures your spirit and energy. It involves living with integrity, health, and the feeling of success in fulfilling your goals and objectives. It also involves lasting the distance by living with balance so that you never give up your vision and continue inspiring others to be their best. To sustain this effort we must prepare ourselves for a life of personal joy and service.

The success I live today I credit to a combination of good fortune, the connection I made to my spirit, and preparation. I was fortunate to have had caring people and experiences that pointed me in the right direction and taught me that life success requires ongoing learning. Interestingly, that which we do to prepare ourselves for personal success or to be effective family activists also primes us to be better supporters and teachers for our family and friends as well.

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Medium 9781574411621

Post-Bereavement Grief

Donna S. Davenport University of North Texas Press PDF

Post-Bereavement Grief p

And so, wherever I go and wherever you go, the ground between us will always be holy ground. quoted by Henri Nouwen

So what, after all, does death take away, and what do you get to keep? Clearly, when a loved one dies, we have to give up the physical presence, and all that entails, of the deceased. We have known this all along, of course, but the totality of the experience is still a shock when it happens—and it is not comprehended all at once, but is usually realized progressively over time. He or she will not be there for birthdays anymore, or to exchange thoughts and feelings and hugs with, or to check out memories with. We will not see their faces again, or hear their laughter, or prepare a holiday meal with them. The physical reality of the person, which up until now we had always associated with who they were, will be gone. Giving up this earthly connection is usually very painful for us; acclimating to the world without the physical presence of the loved one is both the cause and the function of grief.

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Medium 9781626564312

PART II From Peace to War

Arbinger Institute, The Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

“Did you hear that, Carol?” Lou said, chasing after her out to the parking lot. “That girl, Jenny—you know, the one who was yelling and carrying on this morning—she took off running.”


“Here, out in the streets. She just took off running across town.”

Carol stopped. “Oh, how terrible,” she said, looking up the street. “Poor girl. She wasn’t wearing any shoes. Do you think we should try to find her?”

“I’m sure Yusuf and his team are handling it,” he said.

Before now, Carol would have thought this a sarcastic dig, but she thought she heard a hint of respect in Lou’s voice.

Lou glanced at his watch. “Listen, Carol, I have to make some calls.”


“Yes. The situation at the office is kind of a mess. I have to check in with a couple of people.”

“Can’t you do that later?”

“They’ll probably be gone home by the time we’re out this evening. I’m going to have to call now.”

“You never worried about calling them at home on Friday nights before,” she said, coyly. “Why now?”

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Medium 9781605093482

Chapter Seven Not Just Yours: Teaching Your Child to Share

Blanchard, Ken Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

“TODAY IS ABOUT teaching the whales to share,” Clint announced. He’d had the trainers move a pair of killer whales into one pool for practice. Addressing the three trainees, he said, “Whales are like kids, in a way. They have to learn to share their toys and food and other things.” Clint gestured toward the whales, which were busy playing with the toys the trainers had tossed to them. “Also like young children, their goals are to get attention and acquire resources. So we have to teach them to share.”

The “toys” were truly whale-size. One was a fifty-five-gallon barrel. Another was a six-foot-diameter plastic ball. “We can’t even lift that,” Clint said, “but the whales toss it around like it was nothing, even flipping it out of the water. Now, let’s see what Jody does to begin teaching Tutan to share with Taat.” Amy was taking notes as she watched the experienced trainer playing catch with Tutan. Jody would toss the toy—a thick tie-down rope—to Tutan, and the whale would swim it back to her, pushing it with its nose. “Bear in mind that what Jody is using is Tutan’s favorite toy,” Clint said. “The next stage is to get the whales to share with each other.”

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PeopleSmart Skill 4

Silberman, Mel Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Flatter me, and I may not believe you.

Criticize me and I may not like you.

Ignore me and I may not forgive you.

Encourage me and I will not forget you.


Do you remember the fairy tale about the emperor’s new clothes? Convinced by conniving tailors that he was clad in magnificent cloth of an extraordinarily light weave, the arrogant emperor unwittingly paraded naked through the streets of his kingdom. Daunted by his authority, none of his subjects dared speak up, until a small boy blurted out, “But he has no clothes on!” 96

Like the emperor, all of us can learn from the feedback of others. However, the prospect of hearing honest feedback from others can arouse powerful, sometimes conflicting feelings for many of us. We like to think we know ourselves, and most of us do in many important respects. We know our likes and dislikes, our feelings and beliefs, what makes us laugh and cry. But others have a vantage point we can never hold. They are our mirrors. If we hide from or deny their perspectives, we miss out on vital information.

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Medium 9781574412697

Wished upon a Star

Dan E. Burns University of North Texas Press PDF

Wished upon a Star

July 1990. Carrollton, Texas

The Carrollton Public Library didn’t smell like an office; it smelled

of cedar pencil shavings and Windex, an elementary school classroom. The tables were populated by schoolchildren writing their book reports. I was dressed for success: suit, tie, and briefcase. I didn’t belong here. Likely a pedophile, the librarian no doubt thought, playing hooky from work.

I should be in an office building downtown, handing speech drafts to a secretary, or on an American Airlines flight to New York to interview the CEO of IBM, or giving a presentation in the Dell boardroom.

The librarian, black-frocked Miss Colfin, hair done up in a Pentecostal bun, pretended to ignore me but I felt she was watching out of the corner of her eye. Would she think I was going to stash books in my briefcase and sneak out? Would she think it was full of drugs?

Trying to look professional, I found the card catalogue and pulled out the musty “AU” drawer.

“No, Blunderbuss,” a voice in my head said, addressing me.

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Naomi Scott University of North Texas Press PDF


Bulldogging: A timed rodeo event in which the contestant dives from his saddle to grab the horns of a speeding steer, and wrestles it to the ground.

CanTRA: Canadian Therapeutic Riding Association, P. O. Box 24009,

Guelph, Ontario, CA N1E 6V8, (519) 767-0700, Email: ctra@golden. net, http://www.cantra.ca.

Clonus: A form of movement marked by contractions and relaxations of a muscle, occurring in rapid succession.

Contraindications: Physical or mental conditions which prevent an individual’s participation in an equine assisted program; in general, any condition which renders a particular line of treatment improper or undesirable.

CPR: Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation, a procedure including the timed external compression of the anterior chest wall, to stimulate blood

flow by pumping the heart, and alternating with mouth to mouth breathing, to provide oxygen.

DPT: A series of shots containing a combination of vaccines to immunize against diphtheria, pertussis (whooping cough), and tetanus.

EAGALA: Equine Assisted Growth and Learning Association, P. O. Box

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Chapter 4: Instructors and Therapists

Naomi Scott University of North Texas Press PDF

Chapter Four

Instructors and Therapists—

The people who make it work

Imagine how scary it might be for a young rider, way up there on that huge horse, higher off the ground than he’s ever sat before, feeling motion he has never known before. Then think how the parents feel.

It must be traumatic for them to see their precious young guy or gal, of whom they are so protective, helped onto this great animal and led away, perhaps out of their sight.

From what I have observed, these riders are in the best of care.

I have personally worked with more than a dozen instructors or therapists and they are without a doubt the most capable, caring, giving, dedicated group of people I’ve ever known.

Watching instructors from various NARHA centers readying their charges to compete at Special Olympics one day, these words came to mind—they are a breed apart. While so many of us are busy “going for the gold” for ourselves, these people are helping others “go for it.” They are very protective of their riders, who respond to them with obvious affection. They may not get rich in this field. Their reward is the satisfaction of watching a child take a step, or speak for the first time; an adult walk without crutches; a grateful parent telling of new things a rider is accomplishing at home; the delight on a competitor’s face.

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