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I

Naomi Scott University of North Texas Press PDF

GLOSSARY ing the people, animals, nature, and situations therein, emphasizing emotional, mental, social, physical, and spiritual well-being.

Frog (horse anatomy): Wedge-shaped substance in the sole of the hoof which acts as a cushion.

Gerontology: The scientific study of the process and problems of aging.

Hackamore: Circular device fitting around a horse’s muzzle, an alternative to a metal bit in his mouth, by which the rider communicates signals.

Half-halt: With a rider mounted, the horse is slowed almost to a stop, and then abruptly urged back to normal speed.

Harrington Rod Insertion: A procedure to stabilize the spine by fusing together two or more vertebrae, using either metal (Harrington) rods or bone grafts.

Hemispherectomy: Excision of one cerebral hemisphere, undertaken due to intractable (not adequately controlled by medication) epilepsy, and other cerebral conditions.

Hippotherapy: From the Greek word for horse, hippos, literally meaning therapy with the aid of a horse.

Infantile Spasms: Brief (typically one to five seconds) seizures occurring in clusters of two to one hundred at a time, with possibly dozens of episodes per day.

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CHAPTER 28: Europe’s Work-Time Alternatives

John de Graaf Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

When I first read Anders Hayden’s wonderful book, Sharing the Work, Sparing the Planet, it was an eye opener. Not only did he make a powerful case that one of the best things we could do for the environment was to work fewer hours, he also pointed out the vast difference between the U.S. (and Canada, since he is from Toronto) and Europe, where work time is concerned. One speech he cited, made by a European conservative, former Dutch Prime minister Ruud Lubbers, illustrated for me the chasm between European thinking and ours. According to Lubbers:

It is true that the Dutch are not aiming to maximize gross national product per capita. Rather we are seeking to attain a high quality of life, a just, participatory and sustainable society. While the Dutch economy is very efficient per working hour, the number of working hours per citizen are rather limited. We like it that way. Needless to say, there is more room for all those important aspects of our lives that are not part of our jobs, for which we are not paid and for which there is never enough time.

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Medium 9781576755846

24 Peace on Mount Moriah

The Arbiner Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

“As we mentioned earlier,” Yusuf began, “Mount Moriah is the hill in Jerusalem that is graced by the Muslim shrine known as the Dome of the Rock. This real estate is no doubt the most religiously revered in the world. It is valued by Muslims as one of their holiest sites, remembered by Jews and Christians alike as the site of the Holy Temple in ancient times, and looked to by some as the site at which another temple will one day be built. The eyes and hearts of the world are focused on Mount Moriah.

“Because of this, that revered piece of land is an outward symbol both of our conflicts and our possibilities. One side may say it is their holy place, set apart for millennia. Others may believe it was bequeathed them by God. There seems to be little opportunity for peace in such views. Looked at in another way, however, this passionate belief provides the portal to peace, for only one who cherishes and reveres something can understand what it means to others who regard it the same way.

“From within the box, passions, beliefs, and personal needs seem to divide us. When we get out of the box, however, we learn that this has been a lie. Our passions, beliefs, and needs do not divide but unite: it is by virtue of our own passions, beliefs, and needs that we can see and understand others’. If we have beliefs we cherish, then we know how important others’ beliefs must be to them. And if we have needs, then our own experience equips us to notice the needs of others. To scale Mount Moriah is to ascend a mountain of hope. At least it is if one climbs in a way that lifts his soul to an out-of-the-box summit—a place from where he sees not only buildings and homes but people as well.

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Medium 9781576751794

CHAPTER 27: REALTORS

Stewart Levine Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Land is a valuable and unique commodity.

They’re not making any more of it.

—Unknown

I am often amazed at how little importance people place on selecting a realtor. Next to getting married or choosing a career, the largest decision most people make is the choice to purchase a home. In has, by far, the largest price tag we will ever say yes to. It causes us to incur more debt than we could possibly imagine. Often, the choice of realtor is based on information like “my brother-in-law knows someone who is a realtor.”

My advice is to check them out. Do some screening. How long have they been selling real estate? This is critical because the more experience they have, the more effective they will be in reaching an effective and favorable purchase agreement for you. And the agreement can make a big difference. Do they have experience and familiarity with the location you want to buy in? Are they current and familiar with market conditions, financing sources, and creative ways of doing things? Can you trust them? A big thing to look out for is whether they are the listing broker as well as the buyer’s broker.

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3 Peace in Wartime

The Arbiner Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

“In June of 1099,” Yusuf began, “Crusaders from the West laid siege to Jerusalem. After forty days, they penetrated the northern wall and flooded into the city. They slaughtered most of the city’s Muslim population within two days. The last of the survivors were forced to carry the dead to mass unmarked graves, where they piled the corpses in heaps and set them on fire. These survivors were then either massacred or sold into slavery.

“The Jews, although not so numerous, fared no better. In the Jewish quarter, the inhabitants fled to the main synagogue for refuge. The invaders barricaded the exits and stacked wood around the building. They then torched it, burning all but the few who managed to escape. These people were slaughtered in the narrow streets as they attempted to flee.

“The brutality extended as well to the local Christians who officiated at Christian holy sites. These priests were expelled, tortured, and forced to disclose the location of precious relics, which were then taken from them.

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6. First Friends

Peggy Heinkel-Wolfe University of North Texas Press PDF

First Friends

Sam slept until eight or nine in the morning, which gave me one or two precious hours to clean the house or get some arts council work done before caring for him consumed the rest of my day. I had to help him dress and make his breakfast. He could undress himself better than he could dress himself. He could feed himself, but he ignored his spoon and fork. Still, he ate a healthy breakfast—whole-grain pancakes or waffles, fresh berries, scrambled eggs, and smoothies.

For juice and smoothies, I bought a bottle-to-cup system I had seen in Japan. My mentor’s daughter, Akiko, was a toddler. I had enjoyed watching Akiko grow and change. Even though Akiko wasn’t quite two years old, Toru and Chieko had encouraged her to pick up grains of rice with chopsticks.

Akiko also liked to play with me. Occasionally, I understood her Japanese better than that of the adults, but she couldn’t pronounce my name. As I tried to learn Japanese myself, I figured out that my name didn’t fit in the natural building blocks of the Japanese alphabet. Akiko adapted by taking the sound of the first letter, P, and adding the honorary suffix, san, to be polite. My name was Pe-san when we played. Akiko’s favorite cup had been a short, sturdy one with white handles on both sides. Chieko showed me the different options for its top— with a quick twist, the cup changed from a bottle-style nipple to a sipper, to a straw, to a covered top with a small hole to slow down spills.

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Medium 9781574411621

Family Tree

Donna S. Davenport University of North Texas Press PDF
Medium 9781855750463

4. Theological images of marriage

Christopher Clulow Karnac Books ePub

Michael Sadgrove

It is perhaps not usual to find a theological paper in company such as this. But as the poet quoted at the outset of Maggie Scarfs book, Intimate Partners, puts it, “[in] every house of marriage there’s room for an interpreter” (Scarf, 1987, p. 7). A theologian is an interpreter of the stories people tell. He or she interprets those stories from the particular vantage point of belonging to a faith-community. Theologians can collaborate with interpreters from other disciplines in helping to draw the contemporary “map” of marriage. Perhaps it is the particular contribution of theology to draw attention to the “why” questions alongside the “how”: if marriages are to work, it is important to ask why marriage exists, what it is for. That is the aim of this chapter.

It is worth making three points at the outset. (1) A very significant number of marriage ceremonies in Britain still take place in church, over half of them in the Church of England. No doubt, there are many reasons for getting married in church, not all of them consciously religious. But many couples would seem, in some way, still to want to place their marriages in the religious sphere, where language about God will be used to give meaning to marriage in general, and to their own marriages in particular. And that is to find ourselves already in the arena of theology. (2) Whether we like it or not, our western understanding of marriage has been almost entirely shaped by Christian theology. That legacy is still with us, even if the evidence is that it is breaking down. Since many of the couples who come for marital counselling or therapy will, consciously or unconsciously, have inherited this cultural understanding of marriage, it is important for professionals in other disciplines to know what in fact it is, even if it is only to challenge or reject it. (3) I want to allay any fear that when a theologian starts talking about marriage, what he or she is really interested in is divorce. It is true that some kinds of theology seem obsessed with questions of marital discipline and what the Church should do about it. But that is not the primary concern of this chapter.

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Medium 9781855751484

CHAPTER SEVEN. Methods of intervention

Margaret Robinson Karnac Books ePub

My clinical and mediation experience seems to indicate that if couples can be persuaded to seek appropriate help early enough during marital or partnership breakdown, then there is more likelihood that they will be able to work on improving their relationship either so that they can stay together, or so that they can separate in the least destructive way for all concerned. One of my concerns about many counselling services is that they focus primarily on the couple, and, unless such services are trained to take a family systemic view, the children’s perspective may be minimized or even ignored at crucial times in the process.

The estimate that 51% of divorced men subsequently regret their divorce (Davis & Murch, 1988) may be significant in that research also indicates that being married is an important factor in the mental health of men, while this is not necessarily so for women. The evidence that many couples do not seem to know where to turn for help for their relationship appears to be borne out by research by the organization One Plus One (MacAllister, 1995). This has led to the appointment of trainers for a scheme called Brief Encounters for informing health service staff about services available for supporting marriage. At present, it is often too late to save the relationship by the time couples seek or are referred for therapeutic help, and too often it appears that it is a matter of chance which family is referred to which agency during the divorce process.

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CHAPTER 34: A NUCLEAR FAMILY AGREEMENT

Stewart Levine Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Love is saying yes to belonging!

—David Steindl-Rast

Most people cringe at the thought of having a family agreement. They can’t imagine children participating in designing a vision of the family they want to be part of. Over the years, I have found that kids are much smarter and wiser than we give them credit for. This is especially true today, given the content of all the media to which kids are exposed. A few years ago, I overheard my friend’s kids complaining to their parents that their family life was not as much fun or as rich as some of their friends. I volunteered to facilitate the following family agreement.

1. Intent and vision: Our intention is to design a context for our family life. We all want the time between now and the end of college to be an engaging, fun, open learning experience that provides the foundation for lifelong family and friendship. Some of the specific things in our vision are family vacations; family learning subjects; family discussions that allow the adults to be people, not just parents; space for our friends to come over and hang out; no taboo subjects; feelings of warmth, nurturing, and honest discussion; a place we can be totally ourselves; a place that is safe.194

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Chapter 16: Brandon—Cerebral Palsy

Naomi Scott University of North Texas Press PDF

Chapter Sixteen

Brandon—Cerebral Palsy

One day while I sat in the reception room to get a respite from the

Texas heat in the arena, the front door opened. A beautiful lady with dark curls and a ready smile entered, pushing a wheelchair in which sat a frail teenager with his arms around a little boy perched in his lap.

Instructor Tracy Winkley1 came in from her office, greeted them and introduced herself.

“I’m Melissa Turner,” the lady replied. “This is my son Brandon

Barnette and his little brother, Nathan.”

“Hi guys,” Tracy said as Nathan slid to the floor and joined his mother on the couch. “Do you think you’d like to ride a horse, Brandon?”

“Umm, yes,” Brandon said tentatively, his eyes wide as he glanced around at his mother and brother.

“How old are you?” Tracy asked.

“Fourteen.”

“My, you’re a tall fellow for your age,” she said, kneeling in front of his chair. “Can you stand on your own?”

Brandon shook his head.

“Not without a lot of help,” Turner said.

“Okay, Brandon, let’s check you over so we can see which one of our horses will suit you best,” Tracy said. She gently tugged one leg to straighten it. “Tell me when you feel this.” She repeated the process with his other leg.

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CHAPTER 31: AGREEMENTS WITH YOURSELF

Stewart Levine Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Why do they always teach us that it’s easy and evil to do what we want and
that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? It’s the hardest thing in the world
to do what we want and it takes the greatest kind of courage.

Ayn Rand

Many people go through life committing partial suicide—destroying their
talents, energies, creative qualities. Indeed, to learn how to be good to oneself
is often more difficult than to learn how to be good to others.

Joshua Liebman

I start off this section with two quotes to emphasize the idea that in personal relationships with people we deeply care about, it is not always easy to take care of yourself. Agreements are a way to do that. They require you to be appropriately assertive, taking care of both others and yourself. They require you to have clarity about designing the future of the relationship. They require commitments to action, setting standards, and expressing fears and concerns. Here is an example of using the agreement model to set a goal. 180

1. Intent and vision: My intention is create my perfect job, a job that uses all of my skills and competencies. The vision I have is that my creativity will be fully engaged. I will be part of a high-energy team that is working on a project that satisfies my need to innovate and to make a social contribution.

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Medium 9781574415247

Chapter 14. Wrapping

Kathryn U. Hulings University of North Texas Press PDF

Wrapping

Sometimes, from my upstairs bedroom, at any given time of day, I

can still hear Michael talking to himself. I remember how I used to run downstairs and glue my ear to his closed door, worried that something was terribly wrong with this scenario. I recall how I was informed that nothing was wrong and that some people with Down syndrome just have a tendency to let inside voices escape outside more often than typical folks might. Now, when I hear Michael having a chat with himself,

I don’t run downstairs anymore. I want to, but I don’t. Just because

Michael lets his private thoughts slip into the ethers for me to hear doesn’t mean I should invade his personal space and listen. He’s under enough close, constant scrutiny as it is. I am not entitled to any of my kids’ clandestine thoughts. They will share with me what they wish.

Michael included.

I’m not sure I ever had a clear entitlement to write this story of raising Michael. I did it anyway, convincing myself that it was necessary. I wanted to show the world how wonderful Michael is. I wanted to show how wonderful—how resplendently complicated—he has made my life. Now, however, it has become plain that it is time to wrap up this story, not because it has ended, but rather because I can no longer justify some carte blanche privilege to chronicle Michael’s life. He is no longer a little boy. He is in a committed relationship, and he is working hard to be included in the workforce. He has a calendar chock full of

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Chapter Three A-B-C: The Universal Principle

Blanchard, Ken Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

A MY ARRIVED at work the following week eager to learn more, as the head trainer, Clint, would be speaking to the trainees again. She spent the morning learning from Jody about the very important matter of the whales’ diet.

As they went about distributing the buckets of fish, Amy said, “I imagine the water temperature is pretty much the same as the ocean would be.”

Jody smiled. “Fifty-two degrees,” she said. “When you get in there, even with a wetsuit, you know it!”

By the time noon rolled around, Amy was glad to sit down with the other trainees for an order-out lunch. As they ate, Clint came out.

“One thing we’re kind of nuts about here at the park,” Clint said, “is the importance of feedback. Most human beings don’t go out of their way to provide feedback. When was the last time someone said to you, ’Hey, I notice you’re doing something that way. Have you ever tried doing it this way?’ On most jobs, people are left pretty much alone when they do things right. The only time they hear about their performance is at some annual or semiannual review. Meanwhile, if they get any feedback at all it’s what we call a gotcha response—somebody caught them doing something wrong.

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Chapter Four: Year Four

Peggy Heinkel-Wolfe University of North Texas Press PDF

YEAR

FOUR

Favorite Books, Favorite Music

WE RETURNED TO THE NIMBUS GRAY SKIES of an upstate New York winter with our Christmas bounty, including several new toys for the boys and more winter clothes, something we didn’t collect much of while living in California. Sam received three halfhour videotapes filled with Dr. Seuss books from Mark’s aunt, a West Texas schoolteacher, for a Christmas present. He watched them on Mom and Dad’s video player dozens of times before we left. With one book on each tape, the animators set Dr.

Seuss’s words in motion. Sam’s eyes darted as capital A catapulted across the screen.

“BIG A little a

What begins with A?”

I hoped Sam might see the letter a and recognize the secret code of this squiggly shape: the first sound of “Aunt Annie’s alligator . . . . . . . A . . a . . A.” But at least something literary and artful held his attention for thirty minutes at a time.

We were finding places for the new stuff all around the living room floor, making the flat look like a kids’ house where

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