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2 Deeper Matters

The Arbiner Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Lou looked around the room. Ten or so chairs were arranged in a U shape. Lou sat in the first of these. Jenny’s father and mother were sitting across from him. The mother’s face was drawn tight with worry. Blotchy red patches covered the skin on her neck and stretched across her face. The father was staring vacantly at the ground.

Behind them, Elizabeth Wingfield (a bit overdressed, Lou thought, in a chic business suit) was helping herself to a cup of tea at the bar against the far wall of the room.

Meanwhile, Pettis Murray, the fellow from Dallas, was taking his seat about halfway around the semicircle to Lou’s right. He seemed pretty sharp to Lou, with the air of an executive—head high, jaw set, guarded.

The couple just to the other side of Pettis couldn’t have been more in contrast. Miguel Lopez was an enormous man, with tattoos covering almost every square inch of his bare arms. He wore a beard and mustache so full that a black bandana tied tightly around his head was the only thing that kept his face from being completely obscured by hair. By contrast, his wife, Ria, was barely over five feet tall with a slender build. In the parking lot, she had been the most talkative of the group, while Miguel had mostly stood by in silence. Ria now nodded at Lou, the corners of her mouth hinting at a smile. He tipped his head toward her in acknowledgment and then continued scanning the room.

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Medium 9781574413335


Kalena Cook, Margaret Christensen University of North Texas Press ePub

Prepare for Baby’s Arrival
Beyond the Name and Nursery


Breastmilk is alive and life-giving like a white
blood transfusion to your baby.

The best time to begin breastfeeding is right after birth while your newborn is alert. Help your baby latch on properly by getting the whole areola (brown circle with the nipple) in your baby’s mouth. The suction action of your baby helps to contract your uterus (along with external massage below your belly button) which is important to reduce bleeding. Colostrum, the clear fluid before your milk comes in, is the perfect food for a newborn.

Your milk comes in within a few days. The more often you feed, the less discomfort you’ll have from engorgement,and the more milk you provide your baby. Engorgement, a normal fullness or swelling of the breasts, occurs when you first begin producing milk. Breastfeeding as often as possible relieves the pressure. Ice packs also offer relief. Don’t give formula supplements or water to your baby for the first three to four weeks.

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10 Choosing War

The Arbiner Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

“I was raised,” Yusuf began, “in a village of rock-walled homes in the hills on the western edge of Jerusalem. The village, called Deir Yassin, had been my family’s home for at least two centuries. But that all ended early on the morning of April 9, 1948, at the height of the Arab-Jewish fighting surrounding the establishment of Israel. I was just five years old at the time. I remember being awakened by shouting and gunfire. Our village was being attacked by what I later learned were members of a Jewish underground military group. My father grabbed me from bed and thrust me and my two sisters into my parents’ room. He then pulled a rifle from under his mattress and, pulling on his boots, ran out of the house. ‘Stay inside!’ he yelled to us. ‘Don’t come out for anyone, you hear? Until I return, God willing.’

“Those were the last words I ever heard my father speak. When it was over and we left the protection of our stone walls, bodies and exploded body parts littered the streets. My father was among the dead.”

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14 The Path to War

The Arbiner Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Avi yanked himself from the memory of his suicide attempts and looked squarely at Carol.

“So no, Carol,” he said, “my stuttering was not the cause of my problems. Rather, I carried a heart at war—a heart at war with others, myself, and the world. I had been using my stuttering as a weapon in that war and had gotten myself into a place where I was seeing and feeling crookedly and self-justifyingly. That was my problem. And I wasn’t able to find my way out of it until I found my way out of my need for justification.”

“How were you able to do it?” Carol asked, her voice barely more than a whisper. “How did you get rid of your need for justification?”

Avi smiled at her. “That, Carol, will be our topic for tomorrow.”

“You’re going to leave it at that?” Lou asked Avi. “You just told us you tried to commit suicide twice and now we’re just going to leave for the evening?”

Avi chuckled. “You want to hear more about it?”

“Well, I don’t know,” Lou pulled back. “Maybe.”

“I’ll tell you more about it tomorrow,” Avi promised. “But in our last forty minutes or so this evening, I think it would be best to review what we’ve covered today. That way, we’ll come back tomorrow with a solid understanding.

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Medium 9781576754801


Vargas, Roberto Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Our desire is heaven on Earth, a society in which people actively care for each other, schools support our children to become their best, government serves the will of the people, and corporations act on behalf of the common good. To create such a society requires tremendous amounts of communication, learning, and teaching.

As family activists, it’s important to realize both the enormous influence we wield via our communications and the significance of knowing the purpose of our communication. Every day we engage in dozens of communications. We communicate to express a good morning greeting, to coordinate the day’s activities, and sometimes to offer feedback to others about what’s working or not working. Yet, how often do we stop to consider the powerful influence of our communications—not just what we say, but why and how we say it? Our communication can lift self-esteem, inspire, teach, or it can reinforce a sense of apathy and powerlessness. It’s our choice. Given the evolving crises in our world, it’s time to learn to make our communication as impactful as possible so as to enhance the power of family and friends to become greater contributors to transformation.

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Medium 9781576750919

PeopleSmart Skill 8

Silberman, Mel Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

If you never budge, don’t expect a push.


It’s often good advice to be yourself. If you are in your fifties, you would not pass as a cool teenager in the company of adolescents. If you are a formal person, you would probably look and feel ridiculous being flamboyant. It’s hard to pretend to be the kind of person you aren’t, and it’s often counterproductive. You lose your genuineness and dampen the many strengths you’ve taken a lifetime to develop. You also confuse other people who know you for who you are and are disconcerted when you behave differently.202

Nevertheless, high PQ people know that there are times when it’s necessary to shift gears. They don’t change with the winds like most politicians but they appreciate that when things are stuck, behaving in new ways can get things moving again. The Bible provides interesting cases in point:

The Biblical Jacob represents an intriguing example of someone with many personal strengths who had difficulty shifting gears. The younger twin brother of Esau, Jacob pretended, at his mother’s urging, to be Esau so that his nearly blind father, Isaac, would bestow upon him the blessing of inheritance. If he had not done so, Esau, the firstborn but of questionable character, would have succeeded Isaac. At the same time, Jacob’s deceit created a nearly fatal estrangement from his brother Esau. To his credit, Jacob did well with his responsibility. He spiritually wrestled with the angel of God and survived. He became a vital link in the transmission of the Biblical covenant between God and the Israelites. Through his two wives, Leah and Rachel, and his concubines, he had twelve sons who became the heads of the Twelve Tribes of Israel. However, his own life was marked by anguish and pain, especially over the apparent death of his favorite son, Joseph, who, in fact, was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers. The tragedy occurred because Jacob did not learn from his own childhood experience of sibling rivalry and gave his favorite son a “coat of many colors” and a special place in his heart.203

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Medium 9781855753693

CHAPTER FIFTEEN. New methods of conception and the practice of psychoanalysis

Alcira Mariam Alizade Karnac Books ePub

Sylvie Faure-Pragier

What kind of influence does social change have on the mind-structure of women patients who are sterile and who have recourse to the various new techniques of medically-assisted procreation? With sperm donated by another man, it is now possible to have children even though the father is sterile (artificial insemination by donor). A woman born without ovaries or who is prematurely menopausal can overcome these difficulties by means of an oocyte donated by another woman. If the uterus has been surgically removed, she can ask for an embryo, engendered or not by her own gametes, to be implanted in another woman, the surrogate mother; indeed, in some countries (but not in France) surrogate mothers are remunerated and are listed, complete with photograph, in a catalogue! Confronted, as are my patients, with these new procedures that have a considerable impact on issues such as filiation (linear descent), I have observed certain changes in the way they interpret their infertility, as well as modifications in the representations and affects that lie at the heart of our psychoanalytic work. The influence of the socius on how the analytic couple functions cannot be ignored.

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Medium 9781574415247

Chapter 12. Waiting

Kathryn U. Hulings University of North Texas Press PDF


As Michael approached his fifteenth birthday, he became energized

by the upcoming promise of gifts and cake and maybe a party. His birthday is in February. In November, on a Monday, during dinner time conversation, Michael asked Jim how long it was until his birthday.

“Your birthday will be in eleven Mondays, Michael,” Jim offered.

Jim is an engineer, a scientist, and he can reduce everything to equations and numbers.

I glared across the table. “You’re kidding, right?” I said.

“Eleven Mondays?” Michael piped in.

“No, Michael,” I interrupted. “Your birthday is not for a very long time. Let’s think about something we can do today that is fun, okay?”

“Wait,” Jim said. “Hey, Michael, let’s get out a calendar and mark the eleven Mondays!”

And so they did. Michael had a calendar with the eleven Mondays until his birthday marked with big, red, Xs. Jim went to work for the next eleven weeks and solved engineering problems that are versed in terms and ideas completely disconnected from the daily lives of most folks. I spent the next eleven weeks answering Michael’s daily, sometimes hourly question: Is it Monday? Is it Monday? Is it Monday?

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CHAPTER SIX. Why do you want to have a child?

Alcira Mariam Alizade Karnac Books ePub

Estela V. Welldon

What makes a woman, specifically a modern woman of the twenty-first century long for a child? What are the motivations, conscious and unconscious? In a Western romantic tradition falling madly, deeply, passionately, dangerously in love was a fact of life associated with sexual intimacy, probably leading to conception and the birth of a child. A child used to be the evidence of a man and a women falling in love and desperately wanting to have a being who represents the consummation of a dream. Falling in love was not necessarily connected with procreation, but the production of children was a question in which several generations were vitally concerned, not just the couple in love.

Ironically, as technological advances are on the increase, possibilities for sexual intimacy are decreasing and procreation no longer depends on relationships, rather on decision-making. And that decision is increasingly the responsibility of a woman alone as women become autonomous, more independent, and self-sufficient. But as we know, any decision made without consultation with others carries dangerous undertones associated with domination and control. This is especially so as the possible age for giving birth increases and is strongly associated with anxieties associated to impending menopause.

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Chapter 6. Playing

Kathryn U. Hulings University of North Texas Press PDF


The past few years, I have started to type a fan letter, but I always end

up hitting delete, even before I print it out to see how it reads on paper, to see if maybe my words look less creepy on an 8 × 10 sheet graced by sunlight than under the starkness of office lights and the glare of my computer screen.

I’m a middle-aged woman, and I swear that I’ve never written a fan letter to any celebrity. Never. Not to Oprah, not to Baryshnikov, not even to Treat Williams. I admit, I did wax poetic my adoration for

Bobby Sherman on a piece of construction paper spritzed with Love’s

Baby Soft perfume when I was eight years old, and I swooned over the life-size poster of his boyish frame that hung on my closet door. I never sent that red crayon confession of undying worship, though; I think I was unsatisfied with sending my innermost thoughts to a fan magazine and, unable to find Bobby’s personal address, I deep-sixed that loveletter in my flower-power trashcan.

Since that time, I have been consistently unimpressed with the juvenile antics, the self-obsessed posing, the ridiculous salaries, and the self-proclaimed-pseudo-political-expertise of the silver screen jet set.

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Medium 9781574411904

Chapter 25: Andrew—Infantile Strokes, Possible DPT Reaction

Naomi Scott University of North Texas Press PDF

Chapter Twenty-Five

Andrew—Infantile Strokes,

Possible DPT Reaction

Andrew Levy first had surgery when he was seven, to stretch his right hamstring and heel cord. Six years later, another surgery was performed, a heel fusion to stabilize his foot. About three months after the hamstring surgery, as soon as the cast came off, Andrew began hippotherapy, and he has been riding ever since.

“The doctor said it is usually necessary to repeat the first operation at the age of fourteen to sixteen, in similar situations,” Andrew’s mother, Elisabeth Livingstone, said. “The process of growth tightens the cord, pulling the heel up. But at fifteen, Andrew is still walking flat, with no evidence of the hamstring tightening. He just had his eighteen-month check-up and the orthopedist said his foot looks great. This followed a growth spurt in which he went up almost two sizes in pants,” Livingstone said. “I know riding keeps the muscle stretched out.”

Healthy and strong as a baby, at four months Andrew could literally do push-ups, to the extent of lifting his chest off the bed. At his fourmonth check-up he was pronounced completely normal and healthy. It was also time for his second diptheria/pertussis/tetanus (DPT) vaccination. After receiving the shot at the public health clinic, he fell asleep in the car and upon arriving home, his mother put him down for a nap.

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The Arbiner Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub
Medium 9781574412444

3. A New Home!

Peggy Heinkel-Wolfe University of North Texas Press PDF

studied the old chrome fixtures with their calcified buildup around the joints. When we first moved in, I remembered how the buildup on the old glass shower doors was so bad that we junked the doors to hang cheery, pink shower curtains instead.

A brown plastic basket of bath toys sat in the back of the dry tub. One set of toys was the three fat men of the Mother Goose rhyme that floated merrily, but in boats that looked like a green turtle, red boat, and blue pitcher. There was a faded, red-andyellow plastic watering can and several nesting cups, too.

Sam knew how to push the cups, upside down, straight to the bottom of the tub to release big, noisy bubbles. That always made Michael giggle, though it was clear that making Michael giggle was not Sam’s prime motivation for making bubbles.

There were also windup toys that swam. Nancy encouraged us to buy the windup toys because they helped develop Sam’s dexterity and taught him about cause and effect.

I smiled, thinking about how much Sam enjoyed bath time.

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PeopleSmart Skill 2

Silberman, Mel Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Nothing is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood.


The manager says to the assistant: “I’m looking at our unpaid bills. Would you check on the number for Acme?” The assistant replies, “We owe them $200.” “No!” replied the manager. “What’s their phone number?!”52

Have you recently said something to another person that was absolutely clear to you, but a mystery to the listener? It happens to all of us. We sometimes assume people can read our minds. We simply don’t appreciate that the approximately 800 words we use in daily conversation have, in total, about 14,000 meanings! Every time we use a word, we run the risk that the listener will misinterpret what we say.

Good communicators don’t force others to be mind readers. They express themselves clearly and colorfully and make a point succinctly. People with poor communication skills are hard to listen to and understand:

A truly terrible communicator who stands out in memory (let’s call her Marcia) infuriated the members of a work team over a period of months with her endless, meandering, circumstantial speech. Marcia never came to the point. People aged visibly waiting for Marcia to finish a sentence. By the time Marcia did finish a sentence, they had forgotten what her original point was. Marcia was self-absorbed, oblivious to the effect she had on other team members. On one occasion, after a lengthy monologue about how overworked she was, Marcia wondered aloud whether she ought to just take a sabbatical and go to an island for some rest. When team members expressed concern, Marcia went right on talking, explaining that she couldn’t go now because she had library books due.

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Medium 9781574411904

Chapter 1: Description

Naomi Scott University of North Texas Press PDF

Chapter One


A fourteen-year-old with cerebral palsy, frail of limb but stout with courage, grips the surcingle handle tightly. His body sways slightly with each stride of his palomino mount as it is led around a large arena.

Another volunteer and I walk on either side, holding him firmly on the bareback pad, supporting his thighs, offering smiles and praise.

An instructor follows, closely observing and encouraging, “You’re doing great, Brandon. Try to relax. They won’t let you fall.”

Slowly his muscles, taut beneath my fingers, begin to soften. His fear of the unknown turns to excitement and he grins, then laughs out loud, again and again. He is riding a horse for the first time. To him it’s just fun. He doesn’t know it is going to spare him the ordeal of surgery.

A five-year-old autistic boy, who does not speak, and barely communicates, gazes vacantly into space as I lead his horse away from the mounting area. After a couple of laps, the child smiles, leans forward, reaches out, and taps his horse on the neck, his way of saying, “Let’s trot.” We pick up the pace, breeze flicks tousled curls from his forehead, and he laughs, his hand in the air. His instructor has worked for weeks to connect this gesture with trotting, which his smiles and body language show he loves to do.

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