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Medium 9780819833907

Chapter 2: Why Worry Is Inevitable

Marshall J. Cook Pauline Books and Media ePub

“Often I am like a small boat on the ocean,

completely at the mercy of the waves.”

— Henri Nouwen

Chapter 2

Why Worry Is Inevitable

Early in his public ministry, Jesus cast off from shore in a small boat with his disciples. A violent storm came up without warning, threatening to swamp the boat and terrifying its occupants.

Or all but one of them, anyway. Jesus was sleeping soundly.

“Lord, save us! We are perishing!” the disciples exhorted him.

“Where is your courage?” he replied. “How little faith you have.”

Then the Savior stood up, Matthew reports, “and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a dead calm.”

“What sort of man is this,” they said, “that even the winds and the sea obey him?” (cf. Mt 8:23–27)

Hadn’t they been paying attention when, earlier that day, he had cured Peter’s mother-in-law of her fever by simply taking her by the hand? Weren’t they watching when, later that evening, he expelled many unclean spirits by a simple command?

They were still new to discipleship, and it must have been hard for them to believe what they were seeing and hearing from this Jesus.

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Medium 9780819848550

Date Night

Danielle Bean Pauline Books and Media ePub

Date Night

Between children, work schedules, and household obligations of all kinds, it can be very difficult for couples to find quiet time alone together on a regular basis. The trick, I have discovered, is to recognize spending time together as a priority, then to schedule it on a regular basis.

One of the most successful things I ever did early in our marriage was to establish a weekly “date night” with my husband. The secret to its success has been to keep it low-key, casual—and mandatory. We seldom use babysitters, but for the most part I’ve found that we don’t need them. We have to be careful about the money we spend, but I’ve found that sharing special time together doesn’t have to be expensive, either.

Here’s how it works for us: We pick a night of the week and block it off. On that night, after the kids go to bed, we have dinner together. We keep the food simple (we even opt for takeout on occasion) and we usually watch a television show or a movie. That’s it. It’s not fancy. It’s not too demanding. But it is mandatory. Though I frequently work in the evenings, I never work on our designated date night. Dan, too, respects this time by scheduling other activities around it.

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Medium 9781576750919

Putting It All Together

Mel Silberman Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

In the Introduction to this book, we promised a four-step development plan to promote significant change in your PQ. After reading page after page of advice, checklists, and exercises, however, you may feel a bit overwhelmed. We’d like to put the whole back together again by giving you a short review of the book and some action plans to build PeopleSmart skills into your life. Here is a concise summary of the eight skills. Look over the list. If you want to clarify any items, go back to the appropriate chapter.

When they are confused by people’s attitudes and behavior, high PQ people:

Listen and Observe by:

Clarify Meaning by:

Interpret Behavior by: 226

2. Expressing Yourself Clearly

When they want to be understood, high PQ people:

Get the message across by:

Talk straight by:

Include the listener by:

3. Asserting Your Needs

When they need to set limits or advocate for themselves, high PQ people:

Are decisive by:

Remain calm and confident by: 227

Are persistent by:

4. Exchanging Feedback

When they want the perspectives of others or believe others can benefit from hearing theirs, high PQ people:

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Medium 9781626564312

PART III From War to Peace

The Arbinger Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Lou barely slept that night. He tossed and turned as the mistakes of the last thirty years or so played themselves over and over in his mind. Cory was an object to him, he couldn’t deny it. His heart stirred in anger merely at the thought of Cory’s name. But there was a new feeling this night—a desire to be rid of the ache he felt regarding Cory rather than a desire to be rid of Cory himself. He was wanting his son back. Or perhaps more accurately, he was beginning to feel the desire to be Cory’s father again.

Speaking of ache, the pain he felt for banishing Kate was now acute. As he replayed what he had regarded as the mutinous meeting in the boardroom, he heard his words and witnessed his scowl afresh. He had been a child! He couldn’t afford to lose Kate, but his pride had driven him over a cliff and blinded him to a truth he suspected was obvious to everyone else—that Kate, not Lou, was the prime mover behind Zagrum Company’s success. How could I have been so blind! What am I going to do? How can I rescue the company?

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Medium 9781576755846

8 Reality

The Arbiner Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

“Did you hear that, Carol?” Lou said chasing after her out to the parking lot. “That girl, Jenny—you know, the one who was yelling and carrying on this morning—she took off running.”


“Here, out in the streets. She just took off running across town.”

Carol stopped. “Oh, how terrible,” she said, looking up the street. “Poor girl. She wasn’t wearing any shoes. Do you think we should try to find her?”

“I’m sure Yusuf and his team are handling it,” he said.

Before now, Carol would have thought this a sarcastic dig, but she thought she heard a hint of respect in Lou’s voice.

Lou glanced at his watch. “Listen, Carol, I have to make some calls.”


“Yes. The situation at the office is kind of a mess. I have to check in with a couple of people.”

“Can’t you do that later?”

“They’ll probably be gone home by the time we’re out this evening. I’m going to have to call now.”

“You never worried about calling them at home on Friday nights before,” she said, coyly. “Why now?”

Lou knew what Carol was searching for, but he didn’t want her to have the satisfaction of knowing he was actually considering what Avi and Yusuf had said. Avoiding a direct answer to her question, he said, “Well, I’d rather not call them at home if I can help it. Not with all the turmoil everyone’s in. Don’t want to add to it, I suppose.”

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Medium 9781855753693

CHAPTER FIVE. The non-maternal psychic space

Alcira Mariam Alizade Karnac Books ePub

Alcira Mariam Alizade


Psychoanalytic theories about mental development in women are closely linked to motherhood. A woman’s maternal function is of some considerable importance on the psychoanalytic scene.

The ideas I would like to present here are geared towards thinking about and constructing a theory relating to the mental space in women that is independent from the psychic function or position of a mother. To this end, I shall explore the concept of a non-maternal psychic space and the processes that do not revolve around the equations and events directly related to motherhood.

This chapter is therefore an invitation to reconsider the subjectivity of women, their conscious and unconscious fantasies, and the psychodynamics of the relationship issues that involve these. To this end, it would be helpful to suspend preconceived ideas and generalities that can only introduce bias in the field of desire and human peculiarities.

Now that gestation may be controlled either to avoid pregnancy (contraception) or to achieve pregnancy by means of new reproductive techniques, in the following pages I endeavour to consider these issues impartially and without any a priori theoretical restrictions.

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Medium 9781576755846

24 Peace on Mount Moriah

The Arbiner Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

“As we mentioned earlier,” Yusuf began, “Mount Moriah is the hill in Jerusalem that is graced by the Muslim shrine known as the Dome of the Rock. This real estate is no doubt the most religiously revered in the world. It is valued by Muslims as one of their holiest sites, remembered by Jews and Christians alike as the site of the Holy Temple in ancient times, and looked to by some as the site at which another temple will one day be built. The eyes and hearts of the world are focused on Mount Moriah.

“Because of this, that revered piece of land is an outward symbol both of our conflicts and our possibilities. One side may say it is their holy place, set apart for millennia. Others may believe it was bequeathed them by God. There seems to be little opportunity for peace in such views. Looked at in another way, however, this passionate belief provides the portal to peace, for only one who cherishes and reveres something can understand what it means to others who regard it the same way.

“From within the box, passions, beliefs, and personal needs seem to divide us. When we get out of the box, however, we learn that this has been a lie. Our passions, beliefs, and needs do not divide but unite: it is by virtue of our own passions, beliefs, and needs that we can see and understand others’. If we have beliefs we cherish, then we know how important others’ beliefs must be to them. And if we have needs, then our own experience equips us to notice the needs of others. To scale Mount Moriah is to ascend a mountain of hope. At least it is if one climbs in a way that lifts his soul to an out-of-the-box summit—a place from where he sees not only buildings and homes but people as well.

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Medium 9781574412444

6. Baby's Birthdays

Peggy Heinkel-Wolfe University of North Texas Press PDF

We discovered wild apple trees along the route. When the fruit began to fall, we tucked a brown paper bag in the back of the trailer so we could stop and pick the best ones. Back at the flat, I made a tangy applesauce with cinnamon. Sam wouldn’t touch it, but Michael enjoyed it.

The trail was paved close to town. But further out, past

Penfield, it was covered with fine gravel. On wet days we turned around at the gravel. If we didn’t, the mud sprayed up and off the back tire and stuck to the back of my jacket, or up the front of the trailer. The boys thought the mud spray was hysterically funny.

One dry day we made it all the way to Fairfield where there was a store like Fowler’s, with toys packed from floor to ceiling. Another day, Mark drove too slowly down a curb by the

Jewish Community Center and the tandem twisted perilously sideways. I felt the bike tipping, and I planted my left foot down to try to stop it from falling. Suddenly, and quite forcefully, the handlebars pulled out of my grip.

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Medium 9781855750128

CHAPTER NINE: The treatment process in trauma-organized systems

Arnon Bentovim Karnac Books ePub


There has to be work with each individual involved in the trauma-organized system, as well as the system as a whole. Basically this involves work with the victim and work with the victimizer.

Work with the victim

There are two processes that have to be addressed:

1. Emotional processing.

2. Cognitive processing.

Emotional processing refers to work with the processes set in train by a traumatic event, e.g. the intrusive thoughts and re-experiencing; the avoidance phenomena of blanking out, deleting; and the arousal component which connects with anxiety, fear, and fight/ flight feelings. These processes need to be dealt with, which means being acknowledged, talked about, rehearsed in various ways in a supportive context. Instead of the reinforcement of fear, there needs to be re-experiencing in a context where support can be given, where integration can occur and a new reality and alternative story can emerge that can overcome the reality organized by the traumatic processes. Thus traumatic responses need to be “deconstructed” and appropriately protective responses constructed.

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Medium 9781605093482

Chapter Eight An Overused Word and a Visit to the Dentist

Blanchard, Ken Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub


When she saw Josh putting a pencil in his mouth, Amy yelled and ran to take it away from him. A few minutes later the boy picked up a small antique vase, whereupon Amy again yelled, “No!” Josh started to sob; soon he was wailing at the top of his lungs. Amy knew that she had scared him this time, but the vase was a valuable gift from her grandmother. Feeling sorry, she went over to Josh and gently took the vase away from him. After placing it on a high shelf, she turned to Josh and hugged him until he stopped sobbing.

As often happened, an occurrence at her workplace opened the young mother’s eyes.

The next day, Clint was telling the group about his early work with killer whales. “Back then we, mere humans, were trying to tell an eight- to ten-thousand-pound killer whale what to do. Think how silly that is! I mean, there we were, dealing with the top predator in the ocean, and we were trying to tell them no! How nutty is that?”

“Trying to make an animal do something is not that different from trying to make a human being do something. It doesn’t go over well. What is so much more palatable is to ask them to do it—and then reward them for doing it! What is the goal of any kind of leadership or influencing? It’s to have the animal, or person, want to do what you want done, on their own. Back then we had the beginnings of an understanding of that notion, but we didn’t act it out. Our mistakes had really serious consequences. Because of the size and capabilities of these animals, we did get hurt sometimes.

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Medium 9780596801724

9. Green Business Is Good Business

Nancy Conner O'Reilly Media ePub

Lots of people spend nearly as much time at the office as they do at homeyou might even be one of 'em. You've made earth-friendly improvements at home, so why not do the same at work? This chapter suggests ways to make your workplace greener, from stuff you can do at your desk to company-wide policy changes you can suggest. In business, it's all about the bottom line, and going green can save your company money by reducing operating costs, using fewer supplies, and cutting back on expensive travel. And the goodwill you generate in your industry and community might just attract new customers.

Even if you're not a bigwig in your company, you can influence company policy. Research greener alternatives to the way your company does things, then write up a proposal and present it to management.

The U.S. EPA says that the energy required for just one worker in an office building in a single workday causes twice as many greenhouse-gas emissions (for things like heating and cooling, and powering lights, computers, and copiers, and so on) as that worker's commute. Clearly, businesses can do better. There are lots of things you can do to make your workplace a healthier, more environmentally friendly place. This section gets you started with ideas for doing things greener at work.

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Medium 9781605093482

Chapter Nine Word Gets Around: Whale Done Parenting of All Ages

Blanchard, Ken Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

AS IN MANY modern communities, people in the Sheldrakes’ neighborhood hardly knew each other. Almost without exception the parents worked; absent all day from home, they spent evenings and weekends with their families. Although Amy and Matt were on a first-name basis with their immediate neighbors, they would not have known the others except for a plan that had been instituted by people on their street before they moved in. This was the block party.

Every few months a notice would come around, stating the date, time, and address at which the next neighborhood potluck was to be held. These were always enjoyable gatherings, and Matt and Amy were happy to participate and get to know people in their area. Little did they dream that the upcoming block party was to be the means by which they could help others learn the Whale Done method of parenting.

Walking to the nearby party site with Josh, they observed a crowd filling a driveway, where tables were laden with food and people were eating and talking excitedly. The two had hardly placed their casserole on a table when they were approached by a couple slightly older than themselves.

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Medium 9781605093482

Chapter Twelve Potty Party: Potty Training

Blanchard, Ken Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub
Medium 9780870818462


Kevin Holdsworth University Press of Colorado ePub

MORNING: Fresh tracks in old snow. Turds on the lawn.

AFTERNOON: Four deer in the front yard, practically on the front porch. Three does and a yearling buck. Pardon me, would you deer care for something to eat? Perhaps also a little something to wash it down?

TWILIGHT: Shifting shadows darker than the grass, clipping the wild currants, nibbling the fall-killed flowers, pulling up anything else they fancy.

NIGHT: Dark shapes, town lights.

HUNTING: It would be possible to brain one of the beasts with a baseball bat.

RODEO: Or hop on top a bony back and ride down Center Street using the whopping ears as reins. On Donner, on Blitzen.

PROBLEM: It’s hard enough to get anything to grow here, in thin poor soil, with ever-wind and sun-blast, but now also to contend with famished town deer in this fifth year of drought … it’s too much.

PROPOSED SOLUTION: Give in to endless winter. Relocate to someplace more temperate, more civilized. Suggest Portland, Houston, or Tampa–St. Petersburg. Plant a few fake deer on the lawn. Watch the paint flake off in the rain.

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Medium 9781574411904

Chapter 24: Lynn—Paralysis, Skiing Accident

Naomi Scott University of North Texas Press PDF

Chapter Twenty-Four

Lynn—Paralysis, Skiing Accident

From cantering through Texas countryside teeming with thousands of Monarch butterflies, to cantering around an arena to thunderous applause from fans cheering riders from around the world—this is the trail taken by World Class Rider Lynn Seidemann. Representing the United States in the 2000 Paralympic Games, Sidney, Australia, winning a

Gold and a Silver Medal in the 2003 World Dressage Championships for the Disabled in Belgium, and a Silver in the 2004 Paralympic Games in

Greece, are only a few of Lynn’s accomplishments.

Always an athlete, Lynn played soccer on the University of Cincinnati team for two years, and excelled in tennis and basketball. She also snow skied.

Just after turning twenty-one, racing down the gleaming white slopes in Colorado, Lynn fell and hit a tree. The impact broke her back at T-eleven vertebrae. She could not walk, but Lynn didn’t let it stop her.

“I wanted to stay active and it was a natural thing to keep playing sports, at least do as close as possible to what I did before,” she said. “I started playing basketball and tennis.” Nine years after the accident, Lynn qualified in tennis for the 1992 Paralympic Games, Barcelona, Spain, and won a Silver Medal in doubles. Shortly thereafter she learned about therapeutic horseback riding.

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