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Medium 9781608682294

Graduation: Socrates and the Art of Departure

Jules Evans New World Library ePub

THOMAS DALEY JOINED THE US MARINE CORPS in 1978, when he was seventeen, and retired in 2008, having completed tours in Beirut, Grenada, Panama, in the two Iraq wars, and in Afghanistan. He had been injured and evacuated five times while fighting for his country. Probably his most challenging situation was in November 2004 in the Second Battle of Fallujah in Iraq, where some of the most intense urban fighting involving American forces occurred since the battle for Hue in 1968, during the Vietnam War. Over the course of 2004, Iraqi and foreign insurgents had built up strong positions within the “city of mosques,” positioning snipers and improvised explosive devices (IEDs) around the city in preparation for a showdown with the Marines. The Pentagon believed the city had become the stronghold of around five thousand Al Qaeda forces, led by Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the leader of Al Qaeda in Iraq.

On November 8th, the Marines began an assault on the city, code-named Operation Phantom Fury. The US Army moved in first in Bradley Fighting Vehicles, then Marines followed on foot supported by artillery and heavy weapons. They entered in the north of the city, and worked their way south house by house. Tom says: “I would describe Fallujah as like driving in a car, and then the car hits a patch of ice and starts to spin out of control. So you turn the wheels into the skid. It’s instinctual. It was a very dangerous environment. In such situations, it’s very obvious you are mortal. I would honestly tell myself, in some of those hairy situations, that everybody dies sometimes, and that sometimes, for the good of the whole, you have to put yourself at risk, or send others into risky situations.”

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Medium 9781626563339

4 Building Relationships

Blanchard, Ken Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

It didn’t take long for Larry and Janice to begin applying what they had learned from Wendy and Harold. In fact, it started happening the next day.

“Who was that on the phone?” asked Janice.

“Oh, it was Rob.”

Janice frowned. “Again? Seems like we’ve been seeing an awful lot of him since the reunion. What did he want?”

“Come on, Janice. I know Rob’s not the best listener, but remember what Wendy and Harold told us about looking for the pearl of good in everyone.”

“Yeah, but anytime I say anything to Rob, he hijacks the conversation and makes it about him.”

Larry smiled. “Yeah, but do you know a more generous guy than Rob?”

“You’re right—we’ve had some wonderful times with him. So what did he want?”

He asked if we wanted to go see a movie with him tonight.”

“Tonight?” Janice questioned.

“Yeah, tonight, and he wants to go in about a half hour. But the movie’s playing at the Cinema Guild, and we’d have to meet him in twenty minutes,” Larry explained. “I really hate the Cinema Guild.”

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Medium 9781605098265

Chapter 7: Using Suffering to Grow

Schuster, John P Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Near the beginning of Dickens’s novel Nicholas Nickleby, in a long discussion of memory and happiness, one gentleman says, “Memory, however sad, is the best and purest link between this world and a better.” This short assertion describes the power of our past for connecting us to our more ideal world. That is why amnesia is the enemy, and while it may block what is sad for a time, it stunts the growth that can come from working with the sadder side of life.

We have described the ways to use courage and imagination for making our memories a source for reinventing ourselves. In the previous chapter, we formulated mental frameworks for staying true to ourselves in the midst of past compressions and social pressures not to. And finally, here, we look at a universal human experience that can shrink us or make our path more meaningful, depending on how we handle it. We look at the experience of loss.

The biggest secret about remembrance, and maybe its biggest payoff, is that when we recall and recast, we turbocharge our growth by learning how to creatively suffer. Creative suffering expands our presence because fewer dynamics have control over us and because we enlarge our hearts.

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Medium 9781608681297

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Developing Emotional Intelligence

MFT Linda Graham New World Library ePub


Developing Emotional Intelligence

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.


EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE is a phrase used by Daniel Goleman almost two decades ago to describe a range of skillful behaviors that allow us to navigate our peopled world with effectiveness and resilience. Curt used it when he channeled his anger into constructive action, meeting with the school principal and obtaining an apology to his daughter. The two Canadian women put it to work when they decided to trust each other with their cars so that they could get through the snowstorm to their loved ones. Toby used it when he expressed loving acceptance that brought Richard out of his swamp of shame, and it helped Monica hold the grief of her several simultaneous losses with compassion. My brother, Barry, put emotional intelligence to work when he was willing to try a gratitude practice to help get him through a medical crisis.

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Medium 9781576757642

3. What do I believe about others?

Wheatley, Margaret J. Berrett-Koehler Publishers PDF

What do I believe about others?

We have a great need to rely on the fact of human goodness. Human goodness seems like an outrageous “fact.” In these dark times we are confronted daily with mounting evidence of the great harm we so easily do to one another. We are numbed by frequent genocide, ethnic hatred, and acts of violence committed daily in the world. In selfprotective groups, we terrorize each other with our hatred. Of the two hundred and forty plus nations in the world, nearly one-fourth of them are at war.

In our daily life, we encounter people who are angry, deceitful, intent only on satisfying their own needs. There is so much anger, distrust, greed, and pettiness that we are losing our capacity to work well together. Many of us are more withdrawn and distrustful than ever.

Yet this incessant display of the worst in us makes it essential that we rely on human goodness. Without that belief in each other, there really is no hope.

There is nothing equal to human creativity, human caring, human will.

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Medium 9781609940041

Stop Worrying

Manz, Charles C. Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these…. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today. (Matt. 6: 25–29, 34)

Do you make a habit of worry? Do you dedicate a great deal of attention and energy to worrying about failures of the past or concerns of the future? What is your honest appraisal of what you accomplish when you worry? What are the fruits of your worry labor? If the first step to becoming an effective leader of others is to become an effective self-leader, is being a persistent worrier the mark of a good leader?

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Medium 9781576752630

8. What Trees Can Teach Us

Izzo, John B. Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub


Nature is a great teacher. Its natural cycles demonstrate important truths about life and renewal, and this is why many of the great myths incorporate nature’s imagery. I find trees to be great teachers. Every year, deciduous trees must drop their leaves so that new life can form. If the leaves did not fall, the tree could not renew itself. It is that simple. What can this cycle teach us about reclaiming our innocence, about rediscovering the wonder of life? I believe it teaches us that we pay too little attention to the role letting go plays in the experience of renewal.

While I was in the seminary in 1981 I spent some time in the Middle East. While our base was in Egypt, we also traveled to Israel and the Palestinian West Bank. We arrived after a period of riots and unrest in Ramallah and nearby towns. Coming from a young culture in North America I could not appreciate the historical perspective of those who lived in this place. People spoke to me of hurts thousands of years old, of lands stolen and people displaced. They spoke of soldiers with guns, of dead brothers and fathers, and most of all of the need to “never forget.” Never forget the Holocaust; never forget the war of 1967; on and on it went. Somehow even to a naïve observer it was obvious that there would need to be much letting go for healing ever to be possible.

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Medium 9781608680733

Chapter 3: Exercise for More Brain Power

Michael J. Gelb New World Library ePub

Walter M. Bortz, MD, is coauthor of The Roadmap to 100: The Breakthrough Science of Living a Long and Healthy Life. You might imagine that “breakthrough science” refers to some form of stem-cell therapy, genetic-modification serum, hormone cocktail, or perhaps the latest supersupplement. But Bortz, who is also author of Living Longer for Dummies, reveals that the real secret to a long and healthy life is regular exercise and a healthy diet.

Dr. Bortz offers peer-validated research to support his contention that fitness is the most important component of healthy aging. A veteran of more than forty marathons, Bortz is, at age eighty, a great exemplar of his own approach. He explains, “Almost everything we have been taught about growing older has been wrong. Frailty, heart disease, loss of an active sex life, and memory loss, are just a few problems typically associated with aging. All of these symptoms have less to do with chronology than with lack of conditioning. You can have a long, healthy life. The good news is that you can gain vitality even in advanced ages. My research has proven this over and over again.” Bortz concludes, “Exercise provides a 30-year age offset.” In other words, conditioning trumps chronology.

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Medium 9781855754508

CHAPTER TWELVE: Out of Control

Richard Kradin Karnac Books ePub

A 28-year-old female physician in training reported the next dream. She came to treatment seeking help for a longstanding eating disorder that had developed when she was in high school. When I first saw Ellen, I thought I was watching a marionette. She did not appear to be ambulating by her own effort but instead appeared to be moved along by a set of invisible strings. Her movements were jerky and tightly controlled, when she entered and left the consulting room. As she sat across from me in my office, she scrutinized my facial expressions for evidence of approval or disapproval. Ellen had been in therapy in another state and had continued to talk to her previous therapist every day on the telephone for months, until her therapist wisely insisted that she find someone else to meet with in person. Her dream was reported in the second session.

I am in an empty auditorium. There is a grand piano in the hallway and I push it onto the stage. As I begin to play, the seats suddenly collapse on each other like dominoes and the sprinkler system turns on. There is water everywhere.

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Medium 9781608682508

15. Ask a Bigger Question

Jim Donovan New World Library ePub

I believe it was Mark Victor Hansen, cocreator of the wildly successful Chicken Soup for the Soul book series, who said, “If you want a bigger result, ask a bigger question.”

If you listen to people’s conversations, particularly around the water cooler, you’ll hear an endless diatribe of disempowering questions such as, “Why do I get all the lousy assignments?” and “Why don’t I ever get a break?”

Asking focused and well-formed questions is one of the most powerful techniques we can employ in any situation, especially in the workplace. Try using a series of empowering questions first thing in the morning as a way to start off your day feeling good about yourself and the day ahead.

Simple questions such as, “What am I looking forward to today?” “What am I happy about today?” and “What am I grateful for today?” will enable you to begin your day on a more positive note.

Unfortunately, too many people ask questions such as, “Why do I have to go to work today?” “Why do I have to get out of bed so early?” and other disempowering ones that do little more than undermine what good feelings they may have had and put them in a less-than-great mental state as they begin their day. Right from the start they are defending their lack of success with a “why me?” attitude.

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Medium 9781605099224

Twelve The Case for Singing and Poetry

McAfee, Barbara Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub



God respects me when
I work; but God loves
me when I sing.

Rabindranath Tagore

I don’t sing because
I’m happy; I’m happy
because I sing.

William James


As you’ve discovered from many of the stories I’ve told so far, singing offers a natural next step for bringing the gifts of the Five Elements into everyday speech. The extreme sounds we open in the Five Elements Framework get narrower as they get channeled into song. Believe me, I’m not out to transform you into a pop star or opera diva. What I am interested in is helping you bring the breath, energy, and aliveness of singing into how you speak.

When you sing, you use the exact same physical structures as when you speak. Singing is just speaking in very slow motion. For all of the trepidation and panic people bring to the idea of singing, the physics work exactly the same. Singing uses significantly more air than speaking. Your voice encompasses a much broader range of sound. Even your facial expressions, movements, and emotional expressions are amplified and more alive. More areas of your brain are engaged than when you’re speaking. Songs can also function as mnemonic devices for accessing particular colors. For instance, belting a big Broadway tune can help you instantly recall the sensations of the fire voice. A blue-grass ditty takes you back to that twangy metal sound, and an Irish tune can instantly reawaken your air sound.

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Medium 9781626563292

2 10 Things Science Says Will Make You Happy

Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Jen Angel

In recent years, psychologists and researchers have been digging up hard data on a question previously left to philosophers: What makes us happy? Researchers like the father-son team Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener, Stanford psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, and ethicist Stephen Post have studied people all over the world to find out how things like money, attitude, culture, memory, health, altruism, and our day-to-day habits affect our well-being. The emerging field of positive psychology is bursting with new findings that suggest your actions can have a significant effect on your happiness and satisfaction with life. Here are 10 scientifically proven strategies for getting happy.

1. Savor Everyday Moments. Pause now and then to smell a rose or watch children at play. Study participants who took time to “savor” ordinary events that they normally hurried through, or to think back on pleasant moments from their day, “showed significant increases in happiness and reductions in depression,” says psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky9

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Medium 9781576752715

13. The Archetypes of Instrumentality and Desire

Block, Peter Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

the archetypes of instrumentality and desire.         Carl Jung was a psychologist who had a profound influence on our thinking about personality and behavior. He developed the concept of the collective unconscious. He understood that our way of moving through life is affected as much by the common images held by a culture as it is by individual personality and personal and family history. Central to his thinking about what drives our behavior is the existence of certain archetypes.

An archetype is an inherited way of thinking, a mythic image that exists for all members of a culture. Within the image of an archetype is collected a whole series of possibilities and qualities that helps explain who we are and who we might become. I want to use this concept of archetypes to explore a range of possibilities and qualities that help us understand our place in today’s industrial-turned-information age. The instrumental aspect of the culture discussed in the last chapter is primarily given form through the archetypes of the engineer and economist.

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Medium 9781609940577

Chapter 8 Leadership Is Not a Position

Izzo, John B. Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

If your actions inspire others to dream more,
learn more, do more, and become more, you are a

John Quincy Adams

Leadership is not a position. You can’t be assigned or appointed to be a leader. Leadership is not about what your business card says, what your title is, or where you sit on the organizational chart in your company. Leadership is a posture; it is a decision that you want to have influence over others in a positive way.

David Shepherd and Travis Price did not hold positions of leadership, but in September 2007 they decided to lead. It was a normal first week of school at Central Kings Rural High School in Nova Scotia, Canada, when a student arrived at school wearing a pink polo shirt. He was a ninth grader, and it was his first day at the school, having just moved to the community. It turned out not to be a very good day. He was bullied mercilessly by a group of twelfth graders who called him gay and told him that if he ever wore a pink shirt again they would beat him to a pulp. Welcome to the school!

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Medium 9780946439454

VIII. Psychical Readjustments Indicated in Dreams

Ella F. Sharpe Karnac Books ePub

1. Dreams illustrating the progress being made in the analysis.

2. Deductions concerning psychical changes from the manifest content of dreams related over a period of analysis.

3. Dreams indicating sexual development.

4. Dreams indicating modifications of the super-ego.

5. Characteristics of a dream analysis indicating the patient’s ability to deal effectively with his psychical problems.

DURING the course of an analysis that lasts over a considerable period psychical changes and readjustments taking place are from time to time to be perceived in the patient’s dreams. Indeed, one criterion the analyst can use in estimating a patient’s ability to deal with his own psychical stress will be found in the nature of his dreams. I propose to illustrate by dream material the way in which these changes are manifested.

Here are three dreams told to me by three patients during the course of their analysis. The nrst one was related to me in the following way: “ I was in an underground station and undecided about boarding a train. I got in though and after a while the train stopped at a station called Bentley.’ I got out and saw the station was not underground but above board I mean above ground.”

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