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Medium 9781887208086

CHAPTER 10: PEOPLE POWER REBELLION

David C. Korten Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Britain was forced not to give, grant, concede, or release our independence, but to acknowledge it, in terms as clear as our language afforded, and under seal and under oath.1

John Adams

The American colonies were products of imperial expansion, and they replicated the imperial social structures of plutocracy and theocracy of the European nations that created them. From the beginning, however, there were also important counterforces at work that fostered a rebellious spirit, favored religious pluralism, and prepared the way for a people to walk away from their king, discover their common identity, and form a new nation bathed in the rhetoric of liberty and justice for all.

There were early exceptions to the narrow and brutal Calvinist and Episcopalian sectarianism. Some settlers, particularly the Quakers, came to North America with a truly democratic consciousness tolerant of religious diversity, at least within the boundaries of the Protestant faith, and a concern for the rights of all.

William Penn, who founded Pennsylvania, was a Quaker who had spent time in prison in England for his religious beliefs. Penn populated the lands granted to him by royal charter by appealing to religious dissenters from across Europe with the promise of land and religious liberty. He attracted Quakers and Baptists from England, Huguenots from France, and Pietist and Reformed groups out of favor with Lutheran or Catholic princes in Germany. Pennsylvania and New Jersey, which were both predominantly Quaker, welcomed all persons of Protestant faith, but excluded atheists and non-Christians—a category that by their reckoning included Catholics.

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Medium 9781855750173

CHAPTER FIVE. The relationship with the abuser

Elsa Jones Karnac Books ePub

Each survivor will have a different perspective on the importance of her relationship with the abuser, and how this has affected, and perhaps continues to affect, her views of herself and others. This perspective will be influenced by many factors, some of which will be idiosyncratic. However, the nature of the relationship preceding the abuse may make a difference to the impact that the abuse had; for instance, some researchers suggest that the closer the relationship between abuser and abused, the more likely it is that the abuse will be experienced as severely harmful, e.g. as in father-daughter incest. There are also more pervasive effects, such as those discussed in sections 3 and 4 below, which depend less on whether the abuser is a father or a stranger, and more on the kind of message the child receives about the acknowledgement or invalidation of their experiences by the adult world.

1. THE ABUSER AS OUTSIDER

How central this area is to the course of the therapy will depend partly on the formal and emotional relationship between the abuser and the child. In situations where the abuser was someone outside the child’s significant relationships—a stranger, a neighbour, a new step-parent whom the child disliked from the word go—the survivor may, long before coming into therapy, have relegated this person to an unambivalent position in their world of relationships. I see no reason why I should attempt to change the views of a survivor who has decided, to her own satisfaction, that her abuser was an unmitigated villain. It is not my business to try to persuade her to adopt a more “systemic” or compassionate view of this person’s background, constraints, and so on. Her preoccupations are likely to be directed towards the behaviours and relationships of others in her immediate circle at the time, and this will then determine the focus of therapy.

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Medium 9781605098265

Chapter 3: Recall

John P Schuster Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

In the Japanese film After Life, a social-service office in heaven helps to prepare the newly dead for the afterlife. It is a specialized amnesia service that creates a recording of the one and only memory that each person selects to keep for eternity. All other memories will be wiped away. What a choice that would be!

We have a much better choice to make: to recall as many memories as we can, and to interpret their truth as they formed and shaped us. Barbara Kingsolver wrote, “It’s surprising how much of memory is built around things unnoticed at the time.”1 Let us see what we have noticed, and what formerly unnoticed or forgotten memory may escape the amnesia zone and become ours to own for eternity.

In the work here, we choose to remember. We choose self-awareness. We go back to the narratives that we do remember, we ask ourselves to look for new ones, and we start to view them all in ways that provide new options. We give our memories our best attention through the remembrance process, beginning with recalling.

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Medium 9781609940041

The Golden Rule and Beyond

Charles C. Manz Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

In everything do to others as you would have them do to you. (Matt. 7:12)

The Golden Rule is probably the most powerful human relations strategy in the history of the world. And although it has been around for thousands of years and was prescribed by such spiritual leaders as Confucius and the Buddha well before Jesus prescribed it, it is still a sound principle today. Its practice can indeed produce valuable, golden results. The aim of treating people as we would like to be treated is to honor others as inherently valuable (spiritual) beings, as miraculous unique creations, no matter how seemingly imperfect and unworthy they are in their humanity. Each person is one of a kind; there are no duplicates.

Think for a moment about the ways you have been treated by various authority figures throughout your life. I suspect that you will recognize the simple fact that when you were treated disrespectfully, as an unworthy person of little value, not only did your view of yourself suffer but so did your view of the leader. The leaders for whom you were willing to go the extra mile were likely the ones that went an extra mile for you, the ones who believed in you even when you screwed up, the ones who recognized your great potential, your full value as a unique person.

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Medium 9781609948917

16 Writing in Another’s Book of Life

Terry Hawkins Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Some of the greatest chances for falling into the Pit arise through our interactions with other people. We may truly intend to write positive things in their Book of Life and then fall short of that intention. The good news is, there are things we can do to help put Flipman into action.

As we now know, it is our interpretation of a situation that creates our response to it. In my younger, less informed years, I would often get myself all worked up by trying to convince someone of my opinion, especially if theirs didn’t match mine! I would have passionate disagreements, thinking that if I could give a good enough argument, I could get them to see my point of view. But of course, I usually ended up jumping into my Pit and feeling frustrated and angry! I now look back and realize that my empathy skills needed a lot of work, and it wasn’t so much the differing opinions that put me in the Pit as it was my insatiable desire to be right.

There is a wonderful saying, “What is more important, being right or having peace?” As I get older and continue to use my Flipman approach to life, I find that I’m becoming more mellow in my responses to certain situations. I now find myself letting things slide that I would have previously found incredibly irritating or upsetting. Wouldn’t it have been great to discover that pearl of wisdom a little earlier in life so that I would not have wasted important energy on minor irritations and incidental issues?

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Medium 9781855759466

CHAPTER FOURTEEN. Summary

Rainer M. Holm-Hadulla Karnac Books ePub

Counselling and psychotherapy are effective to the extent that they promote the creativity of clients or patients. Creativity is a life-style and a health resource. A creative life-style implies learning to be the authors of our own lives. A creative approach to our inner lives and our social environment gives us coherence and authenticity.

From modern practices of counselling and psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, hermeneutics, and creativity research, I have derived in this book principles that are of essential moment in many forms of counselling and therapy. It is in this sense that I speak of a creative attitude. It represents an integrative basis for the differential application of various counselling and treatment techniques.

Beyond that, in creative counselling and psychotherapy, hermeneutic principles are used as specific intervention strategies. In this way, professional and personal problems, psychic crises and disorders can be alleviated or removed altogether.

Creative counselling serves to assist in coping with distress and circumscribed conflicts by way of memory, narrative shaping, and interactional experience of the relationship of the client to him/herself and his/her social environment. Creative counselling encourages personal and professional development.

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Medium 9781605094113

15 Associate with the Right People

Brian Tracy Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Your outlook upon life, your estimate of yourself, your estimate of your value are largely colored by your environment. Your whole career will be modified, shaped, molded by your surroundings, by the character of the people with whom you come in contact every day.

ORISON SWETT MARDEN

Everything in life and business is relationships. Everything you accomplish or fail to accomplish will be bound up with other people in some way. Your ability to form the right relationships with the right people at every stage of your life and career will be the critical determinant of your success and achievement and will have an inordinate impact on how quickly you achieve your goals.

The more people you know, and who know you in a positive way, the more successful you will be at anything you attempt. One person, at the right time, in the right place, can open a door for you that can change your life and save you years of hard work.

A key part of goal setting is for you to identify the people, groups, and organizations whose help you will require to achieve your goals. To accomplish goals of any kind, you will need the help of lots of people. Who are they?

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Medium 9781576755846

Contents

The Arbiner Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub
Medium 9781576755594

5. Overcoming Loss

Kathy Caprino Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

We are shaped and fashioned
by what we love
.

JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE

* STEP BACK TO EXPLORE Grieving lost parts of yourself.

* LET GO of overidentifying with one aspect.

* SAY YES! to healing lost parts of yourself.

* BREAKTHROUGH “I am integrated and whole.”

* Natalie: I built my career to a high level, and I was in a very senior role that affected many people. In the beginning, I generally liked my work, but throughout the years I did have an inkling—a strong one—that perhaps this wasn’t the right focus or professional life for me. I’d have conversations with other people at my level about the downsides of being the “master or mistress of the universe”—of working so many hours, of not being able to see my son’s Little League games, of being handcuffed to our laptops while on vacation. We explored the notion that “there must be a better way.” But I never stopped to figure out what that could be for me. And then something happened that changed everything.

My boss was a woman my age, and she was gifted at her work. Sally inspired people, helped them be all they could be. I’d worked with her for years, and we’d forged a deep friendship. We also shared respect and appreciation for each other, which was somewhat rare among my counterparts. She had worked for the company for thirty years and was very respected as a major contributor. She was preparing for her long-awaited retirement and was excited about moving to Florida with her husband, now that their kids were grown and doing well. She’d tell me about looking forward to walking on the beach, playing tennis, and just enjoying life and relishing time with her husband. And then it happened. Three weeks before her retirement, Sally was diagnosed with lung cancer. And she was dead thirteen weeks later. Here was someone my age whom my coworkers and I had loved, revered, who’d made a huge difference in all our lives and for the company. And she was gone.

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Medium 9781605098104

3 Your Personal Brand Is Perceived from Three Different Dimensions

David McNally Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Earlier in our time together we talked about the importance of creating and managing the perceptions others have of you. Admittedly, the notion of perceptions can be a bit nebulous, and understanding how those perceptions come together to define your personal brand can appear daunting. In this chapter, we will explain a simple and proven model that you can use to master the management of these perceptions.

The role of perceptions is one of the most similar aspects between business and personal brand—it is one of the elements of business brand that has a clear translation to personal brand. Dissatisfied with the complexity so often found in other approaches to understanding brand perceptions, Karl’s company, Brand Tool Box, has invested over $2 million to date in market research to validate a simplified model of brand perceptions that is now helping a growing number of businesses effectively define their brands.

In many ways the translation was straightforward, but in other ways we needed to make modifications to ensure that the business-based version could be used as a model for personal brand. Since the first edition of Be Your Own Brand, the perceptions model of personal brand has proven to be a practical and effective tool.

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Medium 9781608681297

CHAPTER TWELVE: Developing Somatic Intelligence

MFT Linda Graham New World Library ePub

CHAPTER TWELVE

Developing Somatic Intelligence

You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

— JON KABAT-ZINN

A MASTER MONK is meditating in a temple with other monks. Suddenly a fierce bandit storms into the temple, threatening to kill everybody. The other monks flee, but the master monk remains, calmly meditating. Enraged, the bandit shouts, “Don’t you understand? I could run you through with my sword and not bat an eye!” The monk calmly replies, “Don’t you understand? I could be run through by your sword and not bat an eye.”

This teaching story from the Buddhist tradition has always struck me as the epitome of how priming the brain prepares a practitioner to maintain calm in a crisis. This is one form of the somatic intelligence — wisdom of the body — we are building in order to recover our resilience. However metaphorical and however great a stretch of the practice of equanimity it represents, the story illustrates how priming can regulate our reactivity, even in the most extreme situations. The monk’s brain was primed by years of mindfulness and compassion practice to remain calm in the face of life threat; modern neuroscience might say that his prefrontal cortex could regulate any reactive response from his amygdala. While we might not strive for that level of equanimity, and hopefully we will never face such a dire situation, we can learn to use our own mindful empathy and compassionate reflection to strengthen our equanimity by learning to prime our brains, too.

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Medium 9781626562615

Chapter 7. Home Sweet Home

Devora Zack Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Singletasking is for the workplace.

Singletasking is for all aspects of life.

Always do one thing less than you think you can do.

BERNARD MANNES BARUCH

I want you to have an inherently fulfilling, positive, rewarding, meaningful career. I just want you to be home when you’re at home. Singletask it, baby.

The high-tech TiVo Roamio device can record several television shows simultaneously, enabling users to watch live or recorded shows anywhere. Isn’t that wonderful?

Rather than highlighting the life-enhancing aspects of enabling consumers to never miss a show, however, a tongue-in-cheek campaign from 2014 featured users:

Crashing into a tree from distracted downhill skiing

Watching TiVo during a family therapy session

Being imprisoned for watching television in the Vatican

Even the promoters of this high-tech device see the downside of splitting attention.

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Medium 9781626563469

1 By the Beating of Our Own Wings

Seth Adam Smith Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Over seven hundred years ago, an Italian poet by the name of Dante Alighieri wrote an epic poem entitled Divine Comedy—an allegorical representation of the soul’s journey to (or away from) God.

The first part of the poem contains a chilling description of the nine circles of hell. As Dante figuratively descends these nine levels, he details the torture and agony of the souls he witnesses along the way.

In the ninth circle, the very depth and center of hell, Dante encounters Satan: a massive, terrifying beast with six wings and three nightmarish faces of different colors. Upon his back rests the entire vestibule of hell—and surrounding him is an element that we all fear and dread.

Hellfire?

No, there is no fire in Satan’s level of torment.

According to Dante, instead of standing in the midst of fire, Satan is standing waist deep in a lake of solid ice.

If you think that’s strange, wait until you read this:

The emperor of the realm of grief protruded
From mid-breast up above the surrounding ice…
.

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Medium 9781855751811

CHAPTER SIX. The middle stage of group life

Judy Hildebrand Karnac Books ePub

The early, intense stage of the module often induces a powerful emotional atmosphere, particularly in small groups. This can be difficult to maintain in the middle stage because of the irregularity and infrequency of the module meetings. Many trainees have expressed disappointment when this loss of momentum occurred. It is essential, therefore, for the group leader to continue to make overt the connections between the personal and professional persona of a therapist, and to emphasize the inevitable reflexive loops between the two.

In contrast to the early stage, the middle stage tends to be more varied in content and therefore in the use of exercises. While the first five exercises in the early stage were used on a fairly regular basis in all the groups, the subsequent choice of exercises was less predictable owing to the different ways in which each group developed. Typically, however, one topic that is always included in the middle stage is working with children.

This is an example of a relatively simple exercise derived from a far more complex source, in this case from the Adult Attachment Interview (Main, Kaplan, & Cassidy, 1985). The aim of the exercise is to encourage the group to get in touch with their early memories of childhood and to extend their thinking to include their wider familial and social systems.

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Medium 9781609948917

1 There Are Only Two Times in Life: Now and Too Late!

Terry Hawkins Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

We all have a story. The basic premise of living provides us with a smorgasbord of possible opportunities to add to our story. We gather stories within our story, and the longer we live, the more “scenes” we add; thus by the end of our life we have built a story that is long, rich, and completely unique to us. No one else ever has or ever will have our story — this is one of the most amazing miracles of life.

As much as our stories may differ, they also unite us in one common element that no human being can ever avoid — our ability to feel. Our stories trigger a variety of feelings that can either propel us forward or keep us stifled and paralyzed in the past.

We often hear people say that it is the events and experiences of our lives that shape us into who we are, but is that really the case? Why is it that two people can experience the same event and yet each be affected in a completely different way? Is it the story of our life that determines our happiness, or is it the position from which we view our story — the story we tell ourselves about our story? Is it this interpretation that affects the decisions we make, how we feel about our life, and how we feel about those in it?

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