1291 Chapters
  Title Author Publisher Format Buy Remix
Medium 9781577318521

1. Attitude Is Everything

Dr. Bernie S. Siegel New World Library ePub

Maintaining a positive attitude, no matter what your circumstances, increases the likelihood of your finding future happiness and fulfillment. Why is this true? Well, if your attitude is negative and your mind is filled with worry and fear, it takes its toll on your body, mind, and spirit. In fact, by spending all your time creating a vision of an unhappy future, you help create that future. Remember, your thoughts guide your decisions, and negative thoughts lead to negative decisions. Nothing is solved by visualizing the worst outcome, but much can be accomplished when you desire and intend to achieve the best possible result. Optimists may not be more accurate about life — whether interpreting the past or predicting the future — but they live longer than pessimists.

Over God’s desk there is a plaque that reads, “If you go around saying I’ve got a miserable life, I’ll show you what miserable really is. And if you go around saying I’ve got a wonderful life, I’ll show you what wonderful really is.” A positive attitude can open many doors for you and help create the life you desire.

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Medium 9781523094905

Chapter 11: How to Use the Third Key: When You’re Still a Jerk

White, Kimberly Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

WHEN YOU’RE STILL A JERK

Here’s the problem with starting to see people as people: it turns out you’re still you.

So much about my life changed when I began to see my husband as a person; our relationship was transformed, no question, unbelievably for the better. In those first couple of weeks I thought we might never argue again because I was so completely changed.

It’s okay, you can laugh.

What I hadn’t counted on was that even with a new perspective on my life and my relationship, I was still the same person I was before, with the same faults, failings, and limitations. Only a month or so later, I came home from a trip to the usual disarray and became as angry and critical and judgmental as I ever had been before. I stormed around, shouting at the children to put things away, slamming a door in anger about all the burdens that fell to me, and in every possible way behaving with humiliating boorishness.

Of all the confessions I make in this book, this one pains me the most: I turned out, even having seen my husband as a person and having that perspective to draw on, to still be capable of being a big jerk. I did it much less frequently and pulled out of it more quickly, not being as convinced by my own self-absorbed perspective these days, but I was horrified to discover I was still capable of that kind of selfish, heedless, object-seeing frustration, even in the short term. My perspective had shifted, but my personality was the same.

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Medium 9781576752296

3: An End to Self-Sabotage

Levesque, Paul Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

No one can defeat us unless we first defeat ourselves.

—DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER

It’s time to answer an important question and settle the matter once and for all: The proverbial glass of water bearing precisely 50 percent of its total capacity: is the darn thing half full or half empty?

We need a nonequivocal answer, a conclusive answer that we can grasp and embrace from now on and forever more, because the answer to this simple question is at the very root of dreamcrafting.

Two people are sitting facing each other across a small table. A third person approaches and deposits a card between them. The card has something printed on it.

“How many words appear on this card?” the third person asks.

“Just one,” the first person says.

“Can you read it?”

“Yes.”

“Is what’s written on this card true?”

“Yes it is,” the first person answers.

The third person turns to the second. “How many words do you say appear on this card?”

“Only one.”

“Can you read it, without turning it or moving it in any way?”

“Yes.”

“Is what this card says true?”

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Medium 9781442233621

Where Are They (and Where Am I) Now?*

Anna Berry Rowman & Littlefield Publishers ePub

Life doesn’t stop at the end of a book. I wrote this book in fits and starts over a period of about seven years, with many revisions to reflect the ever-changing state of my family’s mental health. Like any family, we’ve had our ups and downs. My own pattern is mostly ups; since my rock-bottom in 2002, I’ve done extraordinarily well, both personally and professionally. After working a series of staff writer jobs, I launched my own freelance-writing business in 2007 shortly after the birth of my son, and I remain successfully self-employed. I’m happily married with two great kids, and I’m mentally very stable and healthy. I haven’t had a psychotic break or even mild depression since those dark days in 2002, though I did have a brief problem with stress-induced anxiety a few years ago that was directly related to the ongoing mental health problems people in my extended family continue to struggle with and the damaging impact those problems inevitably made on my own life. To deal with it, I saw a psychotherapist for about ten cognitive behavioral therapy sessions to help me brush up on my coping skills, and I came off that brief bump in the road stronger and healthier than ever. Even given all the work I’ve already done, though, these occasional “tune-ups” are essential to staying well, I’ve found.

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Medium 9781609949198

4 The Path of Stone

Foundation, Anasazi Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

I mentioned that on the night of the great storm I found
safe passage on a formation of stone—one of many times
that stone has supported, taught, or saved me.

Taught? you might wonder. Stone teaches?

Yes.

Every stone we observe has been on the earth for ages.
Should we be surprised if they possess wisdom
that we do not?

In the months and years I was separated from my people,
wisdom was at my feet all the while.

The stones that met my every step—
those silent patriarchs from years past—
they made wisdom my foundation.
Or at least offered to do so.

To become wise, I had to learn to hear their silence.

Initially, I heard stone only when I turned to it
for help—as when I needed to cross a stream
or when I desired to shape a tool.

But even when I have ignored it, stone has always
offered itself to me and supported my every step.

What has stone offered?

In a word:

Peace.

Why peace?

Because amid turmoil, such as during the great storm,
stone has offered me safe passage.

When the earth has seemed to be shifting around me,
stone has been my sure foundation.

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Medium 9781523097821

17 Lou

, The Arbinger Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

It was 8:15 AM, and Bud wasn’t in the conference room yet. I was starting to wonder if I’d heard him correctly when the doors burst open and into the room walked an elderly gentleman.

“Tom Callum?” he said with a hearty smile, extending his hand.

“Yes.”

“Glad to meet you. My name’s Lou. Lou Herbert.”

“Lou Herbert?” I said in astonishment.

I’d seen pictures of Lou and some old video, but his presence was so unexpected that I never would have recognized him without his introduction.

“Yes. Sorry for the shock. Bud’s on his way. He’s just checking on a couple of things for a meeting we have this afternoon.”

I was dumbstruck. No words came to mind, so I just stood there nervously.

“You’re probably wondering what I’m doing here,” he said.

“Well, yes, as a matter of fact.”

“Bud called last night and asked if I could join you guys this morning. He wanted me to explain a few things about my history here. I was coming over today anyway for this afternoon’s meeting. So here I am.”

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Medium 9781608682508

14. Learn to Manage Your Time

Jim Donovan New World Library ePub

It seems as though everyone I talk to these days is stressed-out trying to accomplish all the things their busy lifestyles demand. Between working long hours, attending endless meetings, managing multiple projects (each with its own stressors), dealing with the never-ending onslaught of email, maintaining our business network and connections on social media, and, oh, yeah, trying to have some semblance of a personal life, we are all stretched to the limit.

How is it, then, that some people seem to have plenty of time to accomplish everything, with time left over, while the rest of us rush around all day and never seem to have enough time?

One of the areas a lot of people, including myself at one time, seem to have trouble with is finding time to exercise regularly. With all the demands being made on us daily, exercise is often the first thing to go, when in fact it is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. When I was having difficulty making time to take care of my physical health I did what I typically do in these situations: I sought the advice of someone who was achieving excellence in this area. In my case, I went to my friend Jim Sutton. Jim is a very successful and busy attorney yet manages to find the time to work out almost every day. When I asked him how, with all his other responsibilities, he could find the time to work out so often, his answer was quite simple. He said, “I make it one of the three most important things I must do each day.” There’s his secret — priorities! Notice he didn’t say it’s one of the items on his ten-item to-do list. It was one of his top three.

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Medium 9781608682508

11. Take Only Inspired Action

Jim Donovan New World Library ePub

In my work, whether writing, speaking, or coaching, I distinguish between two distinctly different types of action. The first is what I refer to as “gerbil action.”

This is the name I ascribe to what too many people do. Most of us have been taught to take a lot of action if we want to achieve a particular result. We have financial services representatives who make a hundred phone calls an hour selling their services. Outside sales representatives in many industries, especially advertising sales, plod along each day, going from business to business, cold calling in the hope of making a sale, much like Willy Loman, the depressing character in the Arthur Miller play Death of a Salesman.

This type of activity makes you feel busy but often produces little return on your effort. Repeated long enough, it results in lowered morale, depression, and, ultimately, job burnout. Companies that encourage “action, action, action” behavior typically suffer high turnover and mediocre outcomes.

I call this behavior gerbil action because it reminds me of a little gerbil spinning on his wheel and going nowhere. While I have nothing against gerbils, there is a better way. This brings us to the second type of action.

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Medium 9781608681297

CHAPTER NINE: Developing Relational Intelligence

MFT Linda Graham New World Library ePub

CHAPTER NINE

Developing Relational Intelligence

The moment we cease to hold each other,
the sea engulfs us and the light goes out.

— JAMES BALDWIN

RELATIONAL INTELLIGENCE is an umbrella term I use for the people skills that allow us to navigate our world, especially our peopled world, competently, effectively, and resiliently. Similar to Daniel Goleman’s notion of social intelligence, relational intelligence allows our brains to create bonds with others that sustain us through thick and thin. Research shows that these bonds provide us with a deeper sense of happiness and well-being than anything else in the human experience. They are among the resources that sustain our resilience.

The skills of relational intelligence include empathic listening and speaking, wishing for the happiness and well-being of ourselves and others, taking in the good, and befriending all parts of ourselves and others — all presented in previous chapters. They also include reaching out for help, setting healthy boundaries, negotiating changes in behavior, repairing ruptures, and being willing to forgive. In this chapter you will learn to develop these skills. Studies show that these relational intelligence skills are more predictive of our success as human beings — meaning resilience and well-being in the workplace as well as in relationships — than IQ.

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Medium 9781576755594

12. Helping Others and the World

Caprino, Kathy Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

I get up every morning determined both
to change the world and to have one
hell of a good time. Sometimes, this
makes planning the day difficult
.

E. B. WHITE

* STEP BACK TO EXPLORE Resisting the fact that you can make a difference.

* LET GO of believing you don’t have what it takes.

* SAY YES! to changing the world.

* BREAKTHROUGH “I help others and the world.”

* Laurie: I suppose you could call my professional experience of several years ago a “crisis,” but truthfully, I’ve been through such personal traumas that I don’t use the word lightly. I’m a mother of two, Luke (16 years old now) and Dylan (14), who are the loves of my life, along with my husband, Grayle. Luke is a surviving twin, and we lost our son Jason at 6 days old. That was a true medical and personal crisis, and it was unspeakably painful. My newborn babies were terribly ill, and Luke survived with significant special needs. After that experience, everything pales in comparison. This life experience, of losing Jason, and now having two precious children—one of whom has extensive special needs—has given me so much that is a blessing, and I’ve received real perspective from it.

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Medium 9788799541331

Chapter 4: Creativity Legalizes Embracing the Whole Human Being

Marie Elisabeth A. Franck Mortensen CreativeSpaces-fm.com ePub

Content:
Chapter 4: Creativity Legalizes Embracing the Whole Human Being
- Following the path of art and creativity
- A meaningful drawing
- Creativity legalizes embracing the whole human being
- The vocational school girls

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Medium 9781626568808

12. MEANING AT THE CORE: Society

Pattakos, Alex; Dundon, Elaine Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

We must never be content with what has already been achieved. Life never ceases to put new questions to us, never permits us to come to rest. . . . The man who stands still is passed by; the man who is smugly contented loses himself.

Neither in creating or experiencing may we rest content with achievement; every day, ever hour makes new deeds necessary and new experiences possible.1 (V. Frankl)

In addition to the crisis of meaning in our personal lives and workplaces, there is also a crisis of meaning in our society. The symptoms of this existential crisis echo what Viktor Frankl referred to many decades ago as the “mass neurotic triad” (addiction, aggression, and depression)—a notion we introduced in chapter 4. Unfortunately, these symptoms have not waned over the years; if anything, they have intensified and now manifest themselves in ways that Frankl could not have imagined when he first wrote about them. These societal conditions are symptoms, not root causes, of the lack of meaning. This crisis of meaning in society received attention in an article in the Utne Reader Online, where life in the postmodern world is described as displaying certain characteristics and influences that look very much like manifestations of Frankl’s existential vacuum:

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Medium 9781576752296

MACROSKILL ONE: AspirationIgniting a Sense of Mission

Levesque, Paul Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub
Medium 9781576753668

Chapter 1: Get in the Boat

Morsch, Gary Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

11

Be compassionate. And take responsibility for each other. If we only learned those lessons, this world would be so much better a place.

Morrie Schwartz1


I saw the same images you did: rooftops barely exposed above water, bodies floating in rivers, the Superdome overrun with people and trash, the crush of humanity trying to escape the floods and the shelters. Looters, soldiers, politicians, residents, and journalists reaching their boiling points, often on television.

When I got to New Orleans a few days after Hurricane Katrina blew through in September 2005, telephone poles looked like mangled fingers from an underground monster. Tops of trees were shorn off. Steel beams from unfinished structures bent as if they were still resisting the wind.

I was in an RV with some relief workers, trying to find out where shipments of medicine and mobile medical clinics needed to go. The few other vehicles on the road were either emergency or military, all heavily armed. The only real traffic was in the sky. Hundreds of helicopters ratcheted overhead. There was no electricity. There were no inhabitants. It felt like the end of the world.

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Medium 9781626563292

4 Why Everyone Is Happier in More Equitable Societies

Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Brooke Jarvis with Richard Wilkinson

For decades, British epidemiologist Richard Wilkinson has studied why some societies are healthier than others. In The Spirit Level: Why Greater Equality Makes Societies Stronger he and co-author Kate Pickett found that what the healthiest societies have in common is not that they have more—more income, more education, or more wealth—but that what they have is more equitably shared.20

Economic inequality has a host of corrosive impacts on whole societies, harming even those at the top of the pile. I sat down with Wilkinson to discuss the surprising importance of equality—and the best ways to build it.

Jarvis: You’ve studied the impact of inequality on public health for a long time. Did any of your recent findings surprise you?

Wilkinson: Oh, all of them. For many years, people working in public health have looked for a link between poverty and social problems like mental illness, crime, and infant mortality. We thought that once you found the relationship between income and death rates, for example, you should be able to predict what a state’s death rate will be. Actually, though, that doesn’t produce a good prediction. It turns out that what matters aren’t the incomes themselves, but how unequal they are. If you’re a more unequal state, the same level of income produces a higher death rate.

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