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simple as that

Rebecca Meacham University of North Texas Press PDF

148

let’s do

Wearing the robe, she believes it’s possible for sorrow to be whipped into frothy peaks—to be made confectionery—and so dissolve, melt away like sugar in rain. It seems possible that in this way, her husband’s absence could shrink to granules, something easily evaporated. Something that would leave and actually stay gone, and not return for forgotten books or visits with the dog.

But he does not want to stay gone, her husband tells her at every chance he gets. He does not want the marriage to be over.

He calls from work every day and leaves rumbly, rambling messages. He e-mails her with haikus for their dog, with the requisite lines about sniffing, peeing, birding. He attempts good cheer on a limited budget. In their separation, he constantly surprises her with clichés, and this, along with everything, is very disappointing. Lila had expected more from him, something swashbuckling in reconciliation. But then, she had also expected a more innovative break-up. In fact, what enrages her lately is that the break-up has made her a cliché—a jilted wife, a spurned spouse, a Dear

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Ch_0_F

A.J. Sebastian SDB Laxmi Publications PDF

Introduction

I

Angst or anguish is a Germanic word for fear or anxiety. Heidegger’s Sein und Zeit could be rendered as Anxiety, uneasiness or malaise suggesting our daily anxieties. For Kierkegaard

Angst meant dread while for Sartre anguish. However, the word Angst does not have the same meaning for every existentialist writer (Macquarrie 164-5). Kierkegaard’s Angst

(dread) describes an innate spiritual state of insecurity and despair centering on his conception of original sin. According to him, “anxiety is a qualification of dreaming spirit, and as such it has its place in psychology…. In anxiety it (innocence) is related to the forbidden and to the punishment. Innocence is not guilty, yet there is anxiety as though it were lost…” (Kierkegaard 41-5).

The concept of anxiety further draws our attention to the origin and meaning of evil and temptation to sin. Virgilius Haufniensis’s interpretation throws further light on it.

In his view the origin of sinfulness is sheer possibility as it is neither ‘absolute necessity’ or ‘arbitrary wilfulness.’ ‘Anxiety or apprehensiveness is an innocent sense of oneself as possibility rather than actuality.’ (Chamberlain 178).

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16 Miscarriages

Jason L Brown Quarry Books ePub

Shannon Robinson

You look familiar.

That is what the anesthesiologist says to me. She’s petite, much younger than I expected, and has pale, smooth skin. I’m here to have a D&C. I had an abortion three years ago, but that was in another city. In a few minutes, this woman will take the clear plastic cup that she’s now holding and place it over my nose and mouth; she will put me to sleep. I will have no memory of her doing so.

D&C is short for Dilation and Curettage. The initials are for delicacy as much as for convenience. It is the operation performed after a miscarriage, wherein the fetus (or dead baby, however you wish to think of it) is sucked out of your womb. A bit of vacuuming in preparation for the next tenant. If there will be one.

I don’t have a reply for the anesthesiologist’s remark, although I feel that I should. She sounds so casually certain. Oh, I say.

Maybe I just have one of those faces. I’m lying down on a padded table, dressed in a large, two-ply green paper gown. A hose attached to a circular notch on the gown blows in warm air, inflating me like a pool toy, making me feel both comforted and a little silly. I’m wearing purple socks, with teddy bears on them in a raised, rubberized pattern. The hospital provided them. These I will keep. I will wear them around the apartment for the next few days until the soles get dirty and I begin to worry about the state of the unswept floors.

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Chapter 18

Tony Grey John Libbey Publishing ePub

He’s pushed roughly into a small lightless cell. Nothing is in it except a bucket in the corner, no bed, no chairs, just a blank mud brick enclosure with no windows. The door slams shut with a harsh rattle and a key scrapes in the lock. He’s been deprived of his liberty before but never locked up. On one level it’s frightening, being alone in the dark with no idea for how long – people grow blind without light after a while, but on another, its horror is assuaged by the events in the hall. His sprits soar out of the cell as he savours the one thought that comes to him over and over again. He’s done what was needed to placate the Eumenides. Now he can breathe without a clamp on his heart. Deep down at the spiritual level he feels a new sense of freedom. He doesn’t care about his incarceration. It’s sure not to last long; something will happen to release him.

The night passes well, though he has difficulty sleeping on the stone floor. The torturing birds don’t appear. While the tormentors didn’t come every night, the threat was never absent. This time is different; he knows they’ll leave him in peace now.

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This Kind of Happiness

Jessica Hollander University of North Texas Press ePub

This Kind of Happiness

In the middle of a mandatory meeting about proposal distribution, the girlfriend excused herself, took the stairs to the second floor bathroom, where space belonged to her: all these cubes she could enter, doors she could latch. Here, she could carefully read the directions and administer the test. She could sit on the toilet watching the white stick’s cloudy window without the boyfriend asking, asking, asking. What’s that? What’s wrong? Are you . . . ? Are you?

At home, the boyfriend was everywhere. He occupied the bathroom with her—flossed while she showered, shaved while she peed—because, he once told her, the windowless, linoleum-floored room, with the ceiling fan cranking and the curling water streaks and the clumps of hair in the corners, was the loneliest room in the apartment.

The girlfriend went into a bathroom stall and took the pregnancy test. She waited. The bathroom door opened and a pair of red Mary Janes paused in front of her stall.

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