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Appendix B Live-Withs

Ray, Michael Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

SOMETIMES WHEN I give people live-withs, I just give them the title without any instructions. They relate to the admonition with a sense of discovery based on what they know and need. They then create their own way of practicing the live-with. In many ways the results from this no-instruction approach are more profound because people are more resourceful and creative.

So below find a list of live-withs that you can use in this way, perhaps on the basis of the challenge it represents, or a need you have or maybe just because you like the sound of it. You’ll see some that are already in this book, so you can get instructions for those. But in most cases, you’re on your own.

To Develop Faith in Your Own Inner Resources

Have No Expectations

I Don’t Know

If at First You Don’t Succeed, Surrender

Let Go

To Diminish Your Inner Voice of Judgment (VOJ)

Psych Out the VOJ

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Chapter 8 Become a Generative Leader

Ray, Michael Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

I BEGAN THE JOURNEY of writing this book because I realized that something unexpected was happening to people who took our creativity course at Stanford and elsewhere: People who have been through the course seem to blossom, to access some secret source of energy and inspiration. They find new ways to contribute to their organizations, participate in their communities and bring love and energy to their families and friends. They thrive on diversity, fight gracefully and treat others with compassion, acceptance, appreciation, and respect. They go through a transformation that starts with the course and grows as they face life challenges and apply course ideas.

You know now what was happening. Specifically, these people shifted their priorities in life toward the highest goal. They achieved success in normal terms, but they went beyond that. Their quest to experience the highest goal, no matter how they define it, sustains them and energizes them for the tough times. And they can go back to live-withs and other approaches that are found in this book when they run into difficulties or just want to expand their ability to connect with the highest goal.

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Chapter 3 Live with the Highest Goal

Ray, Michael Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE recurring issue, problem or obstacle that is pivotal in his or her life. Whether you’re feeling the effects of yours right now or not, you still have something that keeps coming back in different forms. What is it for you? What’s a problem, obstacle or issue that you face that if it could be solved, overcome or dealt with, would lead to an immeasurable change for the better in your life?

Please take a moment to think about this. Focus on something pivotal in your life, an issue that comes up repeatedly, albeit in different forms. It may or may not be affecting you now in terms of a specific issue, but you know that it will surface again sooner or later. Don’t pick a problem as specific as finding a new job or as cosmic as determining the purpose of your existence; focus on a “middle range” issue, something between those extremes.

Depending on their personalities and current circumstances, people’s recurring issue may bother them a lot or a little. But often they don’t see the underlying pattern or how it repeats endlessly in their lives. And they don’t realize that resolving it can lead them to the highest goal and to fulfilling dreams they didn’t know they had.

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Chapter 7 Experience Synergy in Every Moment

Ray, Michael Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

DON’T NEGLECT YOUR FAMILY! You can’t afford to ignore your professional life! Don’t take on too much! Stay active! Avoid stress! Balance your life! We get bombarded with advice from every quarter, telling us we must live happier, healthier, wealthier, saner, more balanced lives.

We know balance is important. We know that we can—and should—have rich, full personal lives and successful, satisfying professional lives if we just find the proper balance. But most of us don’t know how to begin doing that, so instead we live with a vague sense that we are missing out. We get discouraged.

I suggest you ignore this background chatter about balancing your life. Instead, live with the truth that none of this really matters to you. Yes, the surrounding culture, friends, family, and colleagues can give you an idea of what’s involved in living a balanced life, but you won’t get anywhere until you discover what balance is for you and no one else.

When you say you want balance in your life, what do you mean? What is going on when you long for balance? Conversely, what is happening when you are satisfied with your life and don’t even think of the balance challenge?

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Chapter 6 Relate from Your Heart

Ray, Michael Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

TAKE A MOMENT NOW to think about someone you love very much. This person could be living or dead, close to you or far away. But you love them deeply. Put that person in your mind’s eye. Get a sense and an image of this person and feel the love that you have for them. Revel in that love as much as you want.

Holding and enjoying your love for this person, imagine that he or she has been away from you for a long time, but now is coming back to visit you. Because you have been apart, you are feeling the love you have even more intensely.

Imagine going to the airport and waiting for this person to come out of the arrival area. Experience this inside. Other passengers from the plane are coming out, and then you spot your loved one. You run together. You hug with abandon and feel the love pulsating between you. There is nothing else in the world but this moment. Feel the love in this moment.

Now drop the picture of the person and the airport scene, and continue to feel the love. Continue feeling the love as long as you can without the stimuli of the person and the airport scene in your mind.

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