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CHAPTER 6 THE LAW OF RELATIONSHIP

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The Law of Relationship

Before you can be comfortable with others, you must first be comfortable with yourself. This fact goes to the heart of the first two Laws of

Identity, the Law of Being and the Law of Individuality, and all things flow from it. To “know thyself,” as Socrates said, is the prerequisite to living a life of integrity where things fall into place naturally.

It is equally true that we need others in order to live. Realizing an individual’s or a company’s potential—that of Westinghouse’s, for instance—isn’t done in a vacuum. It is not a solitary act. It demands the participation of others, especially others for whom your value-creating gifts, or those of your company, hold special meaning.

It is not that we need others to define us or to affirm our worth; we need others to let us to be who we are. On its own, the potential inherent in my identity doesn’t amount to much. My wife and my son, however, play important roles as “recipients” of my identity—of the things I have come to know about life and living, of my continuing love for art in the form of photography and music. In turn, I do not take for granted the honor of being the recipient of the many things that flow from their unique identities. So it is with my friends, who respond to my gifts and whose gifts, in return, I cherish.

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8. Hunting the Refugees

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Chapter 8

Hunting the Refugees

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ept. 26. Thus far no news of any kind concerning the Cheyenne refugees: Major Thornburgh has had scouts sent out along the

South Platte river, to the South and East of Sidney, to watch for the first intimations of their presence. Day before yesterday,

Dr. Munn told me a story he had heard from one of the cattle men employed on the ranch of the Bosler Bros. This was to the effect that on the night of the 21st, or 22d instant, a dark, but starlit night, two men of that ranch who were out hunting for stray cattle, came suddenly upon seven figures, closely wrapped, mounted on Indian ponies and moving in single file at a rapid gait, (jog-trot.) towards the North. The cattle men at first halloed at them, but the only effect produced was to make the Indians, if such they were, go faster. The cattle men then becoming alarmed, hid themselves in the hills until dawn when they took up the trail of the mysterious travellers and followed it until they came to where a beef had been slaughtered, in the way peculiar to Indians.1 At first I was not inclined to put much credence in the story, and besides was afraid that anything

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Chapter 7: Humanity Is Halfway Home

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. . . we are pilgrims together, wending through unknown country, home.

—FATHER GIOVANNI, 1513

Where are we on our journey of collective awakening? As beings with an evolving reflective consciousness, how fully have we realized who we are? To answer that question let’s move from the scale of an individual to that of an entire society.

Our journey of awakening into our living universe is not exclusively the journey of the individual; inescapably, it occurs within the context of society. With rare exceptions, our personal awakening does not happen in isolation, but is strongly influenced by the larger culture in which we live. Culture and consciousness co-evolve. It is difficult to step outside the perceptual paradigm of a culture and beyond the prevailing norms. Soul and society tend to grow together.

To explore our collective journey of awakening we can use the simple but powerful lens of one of the world’s fundamental archetypes—the hero’s journey.

Because we are all living and growing in the same universe, it is understandable that we would awaken and develop in a roughly similar manner. We are all climbing a common mountain of consciousness, seeking higher ground. Although there are many paths to the summit, familiar routes and approaches emerge.

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CHAPTER NINE: Only if They'll Meet with You

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The trainee returned the next week, obviously bursting to talk.

“Sit down and tell me what's been happening,” the therapist soothed as soon as she opened the door.

“Well, this week I saw a new family who I knew had attended many different agencies and were generally thought to be a pretty difficult case, a really difficult family” she blurted immediately, and looked at the therapist anxiously.

“Right, the family came with a bit of a reputation and you may have felt a bit apprehensive?”

“A bit! I felt terrified. I wondered how I was expected to do anything to help, when all these other agencies presumably had not been able to.”

“Yes, I can see that that was probably a little daunting. Tell me what happened.”

Well, what happened was that I received a phone call from the mother in response to my letter of appointment. She said that the family did not want family therapy, that they had had it a number of times before and had found it did not help; in fact, it made things worse as it was so upsetting.

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Chapter Five: Psychoanalysis on the China Road: Sense of Trust in Doubt

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CHAPTER FIVE

Psychoanalysis on the China Road* : sense of trust in doubt

Wang Qian

Introduction

From the very beginning when psychoanalysis was introduced into China, the following questions were asked far and near.

Is psychoanalysis suitable for China?

Will Chinese believe in psychoanalysis and will they be able to manage it?

May psychoanalysis with its roots in the Judeo-Christian tradition understand and hold the thousand years of Confucianism?

To explore the above questions within the Chinese cultural context, one not only needs to focus on the phenomena of whether psychoanalysis is applicable for the Chinese or not, which has been extensively discussed, but also needs to ponder over the confrontation between psychoanalysis and China: how do the Chinese manage to locate their own cultural experience in a psychoanalytic frame, so as to contain their unique experience originated in Chinese culture, as well as to strengthen the bonding both to our living environment and to our immemorial wishes.

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CHAPTER 3: “SUCH STUFF AS DREAMS ARE MADE ON": SEXUALITY AS RE/CREATION

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Judy Yellin

Mapping the territory?

As a member of the Centre for Attachment-based Psychoid analytic Psychotherapy’s planning group for this Bowlby Memorial Conference of 2004, I have been charged by my colleagues with the awesome responsibility of “mapping the territory” of contemporary relational psychoanalytic thinking about sexuality and attachment. The mapping of this territory, it seems to me, is a very tricky business, particularly where that territory is as vast, complex, and strongly contested as that of sexuality.

So which territory am I to talk about exactly? Where is it and how do we get there? How does it take its shape, how large an area am I to try to explore, where am I to perceive its borders to be? Are sexuality and attachment one territory, in any case? Should they be? Or are they two separate territories, with different terrains, cultures, languages? If so, do they adjoin, or are there disputed border areas between them?

Given that sexualities are expressed through and in the territory of bodies, how are these bodies constructed, how do they come about? What do they feel like when we experience them as “feeling sexual?” Does the way they look to the outside bear any relation to the way they feel on the inside? Should it? Are men’s bodies always male, masculine? Are women’s always female, feminine? What do we mean by “men” and “women” anyway? When we desire, who are we? And who or what do we desire? Is our desire always and inevitably gendered? Can we imagine our desire in a different gender? Without gender? What would this mean?

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Chapter 1 Introduction

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Information technology (IT) professionals worldwide are searching for the “next solution” that can save money and improve quality. Applying standardized project management tools and techniques is resulting in handsome dividends on new development projects, yet new projects account for only half of IT professionals’ responsibilities. The other half is running system maintenance. It has been years since we saw the maintenance hype for the Year 2000 cleanup effort. Now is therefore an appropriate time to modify project management tools and techniques so they can serve the business of IT maintenance—the next solution!

Maintenance delivers a service, while projects deliver a product. Basic project management thus does not apply to maintenance. IT Maintenance: Applied Project Management modifies basic project management tools and techniques so they can be used to manage systems maintenance. This book demonstrates proven modified tools and techniques, reasons for using them, and ways to use the concepts presented in the book to lower costs while increasing customer satisfaction. Many Project Management Professionals (PMP®) will recognize the book’s concepts as extensions of PMI®-tested best practices in project management.

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14: Finding a Focus

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Feeling myself to be at the centre of things in youth and early middle age can be pleasurable: the self as explorer, discoverer, is intent on subduing and devouring all experience. But such a picture, though true of womb conjecture, as I like to imagine it, is misleading. Buccaneer appetites give only a buccaneer view of things, centring the idea of the unknowable on no more than the devouring self and its unceasing appetite. Egotism is like a medieval map. It begins with the confident areas of knowledge and moves out into blank spaces, a misleading depiction. The insights of Genesis are not accessible to egocentric thought. Years ago, I asked W. R. Bion in a public meeting if he agreed with Keats's view that a man's life of any worth might be a continual allegory. Characteristically, Bion answered the question with such a depth of insight that I found myself wondering whether he had heard the question. Life, he thought, was more like an alphabet than an allegory: its components create a never-ending constellation of meanings.1 His proposal was one of the starting points of this book.

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Chapter Six: Developing a Coaching Strategy

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If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!

Benjamin Franklin

What this chapter is about

This chapter explores:

Why have a strategy?

Some people have trouble with the word “strategy” and find the word “plan” less off-putting. Also some people are natural planners while others take a more emergent approach. Whatever your natural preference, some kind of strategy or plan is essential, both to help you to think through what you want to do and how you want to do it, and as a vehicle for getting everyone on board who needs to be—and all moving in the same direction.

Internal coaching schemes come in all shapes and sizes. Your internal coaching resource may consist of two people who were already experienced coaches when they joined the organisation; who co-supervise each other and are members of a coaching professional body, so subscribe to its code of ethics and access CPD through it. Their coaching activities may cost your organisation virtually nothing. Or you may be lead coach for a multinational company with many internal coaches; run a sophisticated coach management system; provide regular supervision for the coaches from an external provider; arrange bi-monthly CPD sessions; put on an annual conference; and so forth. Clearly your strategies will look very different in their scope, scale, and sophistication. While I hope your thinking will benefit from reflecting on the issues raised in this chapter, obviously your response to them will be proportionate to the scale of what you are already doing or proposing to do.

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CHAPTER TWELVE Implementation

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PEACE PROCESSES HAVE TRADITIONALLY BEEN HIGHLIGHTED by dramatic breakthroughs—those that lead to negotiations and those that take place during negotiations. The other highlight is, of course, the signing of the peace agreement. However, after these highlights become vague memories, the road to peace becomes arduous. Processes reach the critical point when they must be implemented. Even the best peace treaty, if only partially implemented, will not result in the desired peace. Implementation is key.

Modernized peacemaking does not end when a modern treaty is signed; those innovative approaches have a place in implementation as well. The implementation process involves the legal framework behind the movement from war to peace and the organizational structure of governmental and nongovernmental bodies that will deal with the implementation. Implementation occurs both internally (independently within each party) and jointly between both parties.

I recognize that the implementation of a peace treaty happens on many levels, and I make no claim to detail all of them here. It is of course crucial that NGOs, businesses, civil society groups, and international groups fulfill their duties as outlined in the agreement, and that they are held accountable.

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6. Building the Ranch House (Lake House), 1854

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Chapter 6

BUILDING THE RANCH HOUSE (LAKE HOUSE), 1854

James B. Hawkins presented an impressive piece of news to the North Carolina family on January 12, 1854. To his mother-in-law he wrote: “I am very busy sawing out lumber for her [Ariella’s] Lake Auston House. She is going to put up a large and splendid building and I hope after it is finished to have you to live with us. I think we will make a pretty place of it.” By March 22, 1854, J.B. reported to Major Archibald Alston that the framing of the house was up.

We will complete the frame of my Lake House this week. It is three stories high with nine rooms and cross passages and galleries all around with a large closet to every room and every room has a fire place. It will be a star house when completed. The sawmill makes lumber very fast. We are up to our shoulders in work with our different works to keep them all going as they ought to go.1

Ariella’s diplomatic husband refers to the house as his wife’s when he writes to her mother, but when he writes Major Arch, it becomes “my Lake House.” J. B. Hawkins selected the location for the house and to a large extent oversaw the construction himself. He had the help of a master carpenter and the skilled craftsmen among the plantation’s slave workforce. He supervised sawing the lumber cut from trees on his own Caney bottom land. The flooring wood in the house was ash. Some of the larger structural supporting timbers still had evidence of the bark. Even today, the marks of an adze are evident on some heavier beams, and nails in use had square heads. The house was certainly made from a detailed plan, but who drew the plan is still a mystery, although there are grounds for speculation.2

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I: The Cauldron of Rebirth: The Celtic Grail

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2 Choosing Your Ideal Cruise

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Choosing Your Ideal Cruise

Just like clothes, cars, and gourmet coffee, Alaska cruises come in all different styles to suit all different tastes. The first step in ensuring that you have the best possible vacation is to match your expectations to the appropriate itinerary and ship.

In this chapter, we explore the advantages of the two main Alaska itineraries; examine the differences between big-ship cruising and small-ship cruising; pose some questions you should ask yourself to determine which cruise is right for you; and give you the skinny on cruisetours, which combine a cruise with a land tour that gets you into the Alaska Interior.

The Alaska Cruise Season

Alaska is very much a seasonal, as opposed to year-round, cruise destination; the season generally runs from May through September, although a few ships get an early jump, starting up in late April. May and September are considered the shoulder seasons, and lower brochure rates and more aggressive discounts are offered during these months. We particularly like cruising in May, before the crowds arrive, when we’ve generally found locals to be friendlier than they are later in the season, at which point they’re pretty much ready to see the tourists go home for the winter.

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5. Belonging amidst Shifting Sands: Insertion, Self-Exclusion, and the Remaking of African Urbanism

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LOREN B. LANDAU

I have been here for six years, but I don’t think any right thinking person would want to be South African. . . . They are just so contaminated.

—SOTHO MIGRANT IN JOHANNESBURG, 2005

In the diversity of African cities, dynamic and overlapping systems of exchange, meaning, privilege, and belonging are the norm. These systems stem from longstanding patterns of political and economic domination—apartheid, indirect colonial domination, monopolistic party rule (Zlotnick 2006)—enacted across national territories, mixing together groups that might otherwise have chosen more autonomous trajectories. With differences and diversity heightened by recent mobility, Africa’s cities are increasingly characterized by greater disparities of wealth, language, and nationality along with shifting gender roles, life-trajectories, and intergenerational tensions. Through geographic movement—into, out of, and within cities—urban spaces that for many years had only tenuous connections with the people and economies of the rural hinterlands of their own countries are increasingly the loci of economic and normative ties with home villages and diasporic communities spread (and spreading) across the continent and beyond (Geschiere 2005; Malauene 2004; Diouf 2000).

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14. Stately as a Queen

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STATELY AS A QUEEN

A LT H O U G H I T H A D B E E N PR O C L A I M E D that the problem of raiding Indians had been diminished by the state troops, companies continued to scout for their presence. Usually all they found was evidence of the Indians’ presence in an area, but occasionally there was a confrontation, sometimes with unexpected results. On January 1, 1879,

Lieutenant George Arrington, the new Company C commander, along with seventeen men and fifteen days’ rations and six pack mules, left the camp near Fort Griffin to investigate the report of Indians along the Pease

River. Four inches of snow and sleet fell on the Rangers on the 4th, and they had to walk their horses to keep the blood flowing in their own feet.

Camping briefly in a canyon, they cut down cottonwood trees to feed their horses.

The cold, wind, and heavy snow slowed their progress, and they finally had to turn back to a nearby ranch where one of their horses froze to death. On January 14, the weather cleared sufficiently for the scout to resume. The next day they ran across fresh signs of about fifteen ponies. Accompanied by one Ranger and a guide, Arrington rode ahead of his group about a mile or two. The party to the rear spotted an

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