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The Sexy Vegan's Happy Hour at Home: Small Plates, Big Flavors, and Potent Cocktails

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What started as a casual weekly tradition at the Patton household resulted in these twenty delectably diverse happy hour menus. From yamburger sliders, samosa pizzas, and green bean fries to rigatoni poppers and a variety of innovative cocktails, this is seriously fun food for Friday — or any — night!

Wow your friends! Impress your family! Woo that special someone who might need a little convincing of your specialness! Open The Sexy Vegan’s Happy Hour at Home and:

  • learn the ninja time-management skills of professional chefs to whip up snacking feasts in about an hour
  • make your produce procurement easier with handy-dandy premade shopping lists
  • concoct unique potent potables and lovable libations
  • travel the world without leaving your balcony, from Little India to New New England to Really Little Italy
  • fill your belly with fabulous food that’s free of your furry friends

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Menu 1. HOLY STROMBOLI

ePub

M

E

N

U

1

U

p

until

I

became

a

vegan,

stromboli

was

an

integral

part

of

my

life.

When

it

was

din-

nertime

in

my

house,

we

had

the

choice

of

pizza,

stromboli,

pizza,

or

pizza,

and

that

was

about

it.

A

stromboli

is

essentially

a

tube

of

pizza,

or

an

elongated

calzone,

and

serves

about

four

to

six

people

or

one

fat

twelve-year-old.

A

strom-

boli

is

usually

filled

with

ham,

salami,

pepperoni,

peppers,

onions,

and

cheese.

In

college

I

had

the

(un)fortunate

situation

of

living

right

next

door

to

a

pizza

place.

Lunch

usually

consisted

of

a

Rico

Boli

(a

mini

stromboli,

with

basically

one

of

every

animal

in

it),

garlic

cheese

bread,

and

an

order

of

dough

fritz

(fried

dough

topped

with

powdered

sugar).

In

fact,

my

nickname

became

Dough

Fritz

sometimes

shortened

to

Dough,

or

Fritz.

What

a

life

I

had

carved

out

for

myself!

How

I

made

it

out

of

there

alive,

I’ll

never

know.

So

you

may

know

the

glory

that

is

stromboli,

I

have

created

a

vegan

version.

L

I

B

A

T

I

O

N

R

E

C

O

M

M

E

N

D

A

T

I

O

N

To

accompany

this

delicacy,

just

grab

what-

ever

floaters

of

shitty

light

beer

are

left

on

your

coffee

table

from

the

night

before

and

make

sure

there

are

no

cigarette

butts

floating

in

the

cup.

If

you

didn’t

happen

to

throw

a

rager

in

your

living

 

Menu 2. BE STILL, MY HEARTS OF PALM

ePub

 

Menu 3. POLENTA PARTY

ePub

29

Pretend Italian Sausages

and Peppers

POLENTA PARTY

3 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil

Three 3-ounce store-bought vegan sausages or

3 Pretend Italian Sausages (recipe follows),

sliced on the bias

1 red bell pepper, sliced

1 medium yellow onion, sliced

1 teaspoon dried oregano

1 teaspoon dried basil

Salt and pepper

1 cup red wine

2 cups marinara sauce

To

brown

the

sausages,

heat

1

teaspoon

of

the

olive

oil

in

a

skillet

over

medium-high

heat.

Place

the

sausages

in

the

pan,

and

cook

for

2

to

3

minutes,

until

browned

on

one

side,

then

flip

and

repeat.

Preheat

the

oven

to

375F.

In

a

medium

bowl,

toss

the

bell

pepper

and

onion

with

the

oregano,

basil,

the

remaining

2

teaspoons

olive

oil,

and

a

healthy

pinch

of

salt

and

pepper.

Transfer

the

vegetable

mixture

to

a

small

baking

dish,

pour

in

the

wine,

and

cover.

Braise

in

the

oven

for

20

minutes,

then

uncover

and

cook

for

15

more

minutes.

Remove

from

the

oven,

stir

in

the

marinara,

and

top

with

the

sausages.

Cover

and

cook

for

15

more

minutes,

or

until

it’s

all

warmed

through.

P

R

E

T

E

N

D

I

T

A

L

I

A

N

S

A

U

S

A

G

E

S

½ pound russet potatoes, peeled and quartered

1 cup vital wheat gluten

1 tablespoon nutritional yeast

 

Menu 4. GODYAMMIT, THESE SLIDERS ARE HEAVENLY!

ePub

38

The Sexy Vegan’s HAPPY HOUR AT HOME

Yamburger Sliders

2 large yams, cut crosswise into twelve ½-inch-thick slices

1 heaping tablespoon brown sugar

½ teaspoon ground cumin

½ teaspoon smoked paprika

½ teaspoon ground coriander

½ teaspoon garam masala (see WTF below)

½ teaspoon salt

½ teaspoon pepper

3 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil

12 tiny buns (about 2 inches wide), halved

Tahini Dipping Sauce (see recipe, page 42) for spreading

1 packed cup arugula

1 mango, peeled and cut into 12 very thin slices with

a vegetable peeler or mandoline

12 sandwich toothpicks (“fancy” or “unfancy”)

In

a

large

pot

of

cold

water,

bring

the

yam

slices

to

a

boil

over

high

heat.

Boil

for

6

to

7

minutes,

or

until

the

yams

are

just

fork-tender

but

not

too

soft.

Whilst

your

yams

are

boiling,

in

a

large

bowl,

combine

the

brown

sugar,

cumin,

paprika,

coriander,

garam

masala,

salt,

pepper,

and

2

tea-

spoons

of

the

oil.

Remove

the

yams

from

the

pot

with

a

slotted

spoon,

and

cool

the

slices

in

an

ice

bath

or

under

cold

running

water.

Drain

and

pat

dry

with

a

paper

towel.

Gently

toss

the

yam

slices

in

the

spice-and-oil

mixture

until

 

Menu 5. NOTHING RHYMES WITH CITRUS

ePub

51

Tofu-Citrus “Titrus” Dippers

NOTHING RHYMES WITH CITRUS

Citrus

Marinade

½ cup orange marmalade

½ cup fresh lemon juice

½ cup fresh lime juice

2 cups fresh orange juice

1 cup extra-virgin olive oil

2 jalapeo peppers, thinly sliced

4 garlic cloves, grated

2 thumb-size pieces fresh ginger, peeled and grated

Salt and pepper

Two 14-ounce packages extra-firm tofu, drained, pressed (see Efficiency Tip,

page 49), and cut into bite-size cubes

¼

cup

vegan

mayo

Toothpicks

Lemon

and/or

lime

slices,

for

garnish

(optional)

To

make

the

Citrus

Marinade,

in

a

large

bowl,

whisk

together

the

marmalade,

lemon

juice,

lime

juice,

orange

juice,

oil,

jalapeo

pep-

pers,

garlic,

and

ginger.

Season

with

a

healthy

pinch

of

salt

and

pepper.

Transfer

the

marinade

to

one

or

two

large

casseroles

or

zip-top

bags.

Add

the

tofu

cubes

and

submerge

them

in

the

marinade.

Put

the

casseroles

or

bags

in

the

fridge

to

let

the

tofu

marinate

for

at

least

1

hour.

Preheat

the

oven

to

450F.

Line

a

baking

sheet

with

parchment

paper

or

a

Silpat

baking

mat.

Remove

the

tofu

from

the

marinade,

allowing

the

excess

marinade

to

fall

back

into

the

bag.

Be

sure

to

reserve

all

 

Menu 6. NEW NEW ENGLAND

ePub

59

NEW NEW ENGLAND

“Crab” Roll

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

Four 20-ounce cans young green jackfruit in water or brine, drained, rinsed,

and roughly chopped (see WTF on page 58)

2 cups water

Two 5-inch pieces wakame (see WTF below)

½ cup finely diced celery

2 scallions, thinly sliced

¼ cup finely diced jicama

¾ cup vegan mayo

½ teaspoon seaweed powder (see WTF, next page)

2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice

2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh Italian parsley

Salt and pepper

8 small dinner rolls, split and toasted, if you like

In

a

large

skillet,

heat

the

oil

over

medium-high

heat,

and

add

the

jackfruit.

Don’t

add

any

salt,

since

the

wakame

will

add

a

salty

note

during

the

next

step.

Fry

for

4

to

5

minutes,

or

until

the

jackfruit

be-

gins

to

brown,

then

toss

and

fry

for

5

more

minutes.

Add

the

water

and

wakame,

and

bring

to

a

boil.

Reduce

the

heat

to

medium

and

simmer

for

7

to

8

minutes,

or

until

the

liquid

is

absorbed.

Remove

the

wakame

and

discard.

Raise

the

heat

to

medium-high,

and

fry

the

jackfruit,

stirring

occasionally,

for

8

to

10

minutes,

or

until

the

outsides

and

the

stringy

edges

are

crisp.

Remove

from

 

Menu 7. PAPADILLA, DON’T PREACH

ePub

66

The Sexy Vegan’s HAPPY HOUR AT HOME

Braised Scallion Papadillas

3 tablespoons vegan margarine, plus more for the casserole

12 scallions, trimmed

½ cup water

1 pound russet potatoes, peeled and quartered

2 jalapeo peppers

½ cup unsweetened nondairy milk

2 teaspoons nutritional yeast

Salt and pepper

2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil

2 burrito-size (12-inch) flour tortillas, warmed

1 large beefsteak tomato, cut into 12 thin slices

Preheat

the

oven

to

350F.

Lube

up

a

large

casserole

with

vegan

margarine,

and

spread

out

the

scallions

in

a

single

layer

in

the

cas-

serole.

If

you

need

to

use

two

casseroles,

so

be

it.

Drop

1

table-

spoon

of

the

margarine

on

top

of

the

scallions,

breaking

it

up

with

your

fingers

to

spread

it

around

a

bit.

Add

the

water,

cover

with

foil,

and

braise

in

the

oven

for

30

minutes.

Meanwhile,

in

a

medium

pot,

cover

the

potatoes

with

cold

water,

and

bring

to

a

boil.

Boil

for

8

to

10

minutes,

or

until

the

chunks

easily

fall

apart

when

you

put

a

fork

through

them.

Once

you

get

the

scallions

and

potatoes

started,

you

can

roast

the

jalapeos.

Place

them

directly

on

the

burner

of

your

gas

stove

or

under

a

broiler.

Roast

 

Menu 8. LITTLE INDIA

ePub

75

LITTLE INDIA

Samosa Pizzas with Tamarind

Date Chutney and Mint Chutney

1½ pounds russet potatoes, peeled and quartered

3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

½ teaspoon ground coriander

Juice of ½ lime

2 scallions, thinly sliced

Pinch of Indian chili powder or ground cayenne pepper

Salt and black pepper

1 teaspoon minced peeled fresh ginger

¼ teaspoon cumin seeds

¼ teaspoon fennel seeds

½ teaspoon asafetida (hing; see WTF, page 76)

2 garlic cloves, minced

½ cup frozen peas, thawed

1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh cilantro,

plus a few sprigs for garnish

Five 6-inch chapatis or whole-wheat tortillas

Tamarind Date Chutney (recipe follows)

Mint Chutney (recipe follows)

In

a

medium

pot,

cover

the

potatoes

with

cold

water

and

bring

to

a

boil.

Boil

for

5

to

7

minutes,

or

just

until

fork-tender.

Drain

and

let

cool.

When

the

potatoes

are

cool

enough

to

handle,

cut

into

bite-size

pieces,

and

transfer

to

a

bowl.

Toss

the

potatoes

with

1

tablespoon

of

the

olive

oil,

the

coriander,

lime

juice,

scallions,

chili

powder,

and

a

healthy

pinch

of

salt

and

black

pepper.

In

a

large

skillet,

heat

the

remaining

 

Menu 9. LITTLE BRITAIN

ePub

85

Banger and Mash Rolls

with Quick Gravy

LITTLE BRITAIN

3 tablespoons vegan margarine

1 medium yellow onion, sliced

Salt and pepper

1 pound Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled and quartered

2 teaspoons whole-grain mustard

3 tablespoons unsweetened nondairy milk,

at room temperature

12 green cabbage leaves (each about the size of your palm)

2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil

Four 3-ounce store-bought vegan sausages or 4 Pretend Italian Sausages

(see recipe, page 29)

Quick Gravy (recipe follows), warmed

In

a

large

skillet,

melt

1

tablespoon

of

the

margarine

over

medium-

low

heat.

Add

the

onion

and

a

pinch

of

salt

and

cook

for

25

to

30

minutes,

or

until

soft

and

caramelized.

Transfer

to

a

bowl

and

loosely

cover

with

foil

to

keep

warm.

In

a

medium

pot,

cover

the

potatoes

with

cold

water

and

bring

to

a

boil.

Boil

for

8

to

10

minutes,

or

until

the

chunks

easily

fall

apart

when

you

put

a

fork

through

them.

Drain

the

potatoes

and

return

them

to

the

empty

pot.

Cook

them

over

low

heat

for

1

or

2

minutes,

to

help

dry

them

out.

Pass

the

warm

potatoes

through

a

potato

ricer

or

food

mill

into

a

bowl,

or

simply

mash

them.

Add

the

cooked

onions,

the

 

Menu 10. REALLY LITTLE ITALY

ePub

M

E

N

U

10

Y

ou

know

how

sometimes

there’s

a

break

in

the

clouds,

and

brilliant

yet

fleeting

rays

of

light

come

shining

through?

That’s

what

happened

here.

The

cloud

that

usually

encircles

my

brain

opened

up

for

a

brief

moment

while

I

was

looking

in

my

cabinet

for

a

pack

of

seaweed

snacks

that

I

knew

was

hiding

in

the

back.

I

spot-

ted

a

box

of

rigatoni,

and

out

of

nowhere

I

thought,

“rigatoni

poppers.”

I

briefly

pondered

what

to

stuff

into

them,

quickly

realizing

that

the

cashew

ricotta

from

my

first

book

was

the

obvious

choice.

I

never

found

those

seaweed

snacks,

but

I

still

go

searching

for

them,

in

an

attempt

to

re-

create

this

moment

of

inspiration.

L

I

B

A

T

I

O

N

R

E

C

O

M

M

E

N

D

A

T

I

O

N

The

Figgy

Lifting

Drink

(see recipe, page 194)

is

a

great

complement

to

this

menu,

as

its

bubbly

properties

help

lighten

the

rich

poppers,

and

the

figs

tie

into

the

asparagus

and

fig

dish.

You

could

also

grab

a

bottle

of

prosecco

to

enjoy

here.

E

F

F

I

C

I

E

N

C

Y

T

I

P

Unfortunately,

breading

the

rigatoni

poppers

ahead

of

time

and

refrigerating

would

yield

a

gummy

coating,

so

you

have

to

do

those

just

before

frying.

However,

you

can

cut

and

skewer

the

watermelon,

and

make

the

basil-mint

rub

in

the

morning

or

the

day

before.

Then

just

 

Menu 11. THE FIXINS BAR

ePub

104

The Sexy Vegan’s HAPPY HOUR AT HOME

Loaded Baked Potato Flatbread

1 ½ pounds Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled and quartered

2 tablespoons thinly sliced fresh chives

¼ cup vegan margarine

⅔ cup unsweetened soy creamer or nondairy milk, warmed or at room

temperature

Salt and pepper

Extra-virgin olive oil for the baking sheet and brushing the dough

1 pound store-bought pizza dough or Basic Pizza Dough (see recipe,

page 13), at room temperature

12 ounces vegan cheddar cheeze, shredded

Toppings

2 scallions, thinly sliced

8 ounces store-bought vegan bacon or 16 strips Tempeh Bacon (recipe

follows), browned and finely chopped

3 Roma tomatoes, seeded and diced

One 15-ounce can vegan chili, warmed

1 ½ cups vegan sour cream

Preheat

the

oven

to

400F.

In

a

medium

pot,

cover

the

potatoes

with

cold

water

and

bring

to

a

boil.

Boil

for

8

to

10

minutes,

or

until

the

chunks

easily

fall

apart

when

you

put

a

fork

through

them.

Drain

the

potatoes

and

return

them

to

the

empty

pot.

Cook

them

over

low

heat

for

1

to

2

minutes

to

help

dry

them

out.

Pass

the

warm

pota-

toes

through

a

potato

ricer

or

food

mill

 

Menu 12. CHARRED AND ROASTED

ePub

M

E

N

U

12

I

can’t

get

enough

broccolini.

When

prepared

properly

(as

I’m

about

to

show

you),

there’s

nothing

better

than

those

al

dente

stalks,

with

crispy,

slightly

blackened

florets

on

the

ends.

Broccolini

is

great

either

by

itself;

tossed

with

pasta,

garlic,

and

olive

oil;

or

on

a

pizza.

For

this

happy

hour,

I

serve

broccolini

alongside

roasted

peppers

stuffed

with

hummus

and

aru-

gula,

and

crackers

with

sunflower

seed

spread.

L

I

B

A

T

I

O

N

R

E

C

O

M

M

E

N

D

A

T

I

O

N

I

really

like

the

Burn

Relief

(see

rec-

ipe, page 199)

or

the

Figgy

Lifting

Drink

(see recipe, page 194)

for

this

menu,

as

they

nicely

balance

the

charred,

smoky

flavors.

E

F

F

I

C

I

E

N

C

Y

T

I

P

This

menu

is

pretty

fast

no

matter

what,

but

using

a

store-bought

hum-

mus

for

the

Roasted

Pepper

Rolls

makes

things

even

faster.

Blanch

the

broccolini

first,

then

tackle

the

rest

of

the

menu

while

it

dries.

Once

the

rolls

and

Sunflower

Seed

Spread

are

ready

to

go,

finish

the

broccolini

and

serve.

W

T

F

is

broccolini?

Believe

it

or

not,

it

is

not

simply

young

broccoli.

It’s

actually

a

natural

hybrid

of

broccoli

and

gai-lan

(also

called

Chinese

broccoli).

It

has

a

slightly

sweet

flavor,

so

when

you

grill

it,

you

have

a

great

bal-

ance

of

the

sweet

with

the

smoky

 

Menu 13. THE HAPPIEST MEAL: LITTLE MACS AND (REAL) SWEET POTATO FRIES

ePub

M

E

N

U

13

F

or

this

menu

I’m

using

actual

sweet

po-

tatoes

for

the

“fries”

(which

are

actually

baked).

Everyone

else

knows

“sweet

po-

tato

fries”

to

be

orange

and

sweet

.

.

.

but

those

aren’t

sweet

potatoes

they’re

yams!

(See

WTF at right.)

So

why

am

I

using

sweet

pota-

toes

instead?

The

same

reason

I

started

wear-

ing

a

bow

tie:

to

be

different

and

to

get

attention.

And

they

taste

pretty

darn

good

too

slightly

sweet

with

smoky

spices

and

a

great

creamy

texture

on

the

in-

side.

They’re

a

hell

of

a

lot

more

interesting

than

the

regular

old

french

fries

that

would

accom-

pany

the,

ahem,

larger

version

of

this

burger.

I

think

after

all

is

said

and

done,

these

“fries”

will

be

“America’s

favorite.”

I

hope

so,

for

America’s

sake.

If

you’re

so

inclined,

give

each

of

your

guests

a

little

crappy

toy

that

they

can

throw

away

as

soon

as

they

get

home.

L

I

B

A

T

I

O

N

R

E

C

O

M

M

E

N

D

A

T

I

O

N

Look

no

further

than

a

classic

Jack

and

Coke

for

this

menu

.

.

.

or

Jack

and

Diet

if

you’re

watching

your

figure.

W

T

F

is

the

difference

be-

tween

sweet

potatoes

and

yams?

There

are

so

many

botanical

dif-

ferences

that

my

head

almost

exploded

when

I

was

reading

and

trying

to

understand

them.

For

me

to

even

attempt

to

regurgitate

what

I

probably

didn’t

 

Menu 14. LITTLE TOKYO

ePub

129

LITTLE TOKYO

U-NO-gi Nigiri with Kabayaki Sauce

1 tablespoon low-sodium tamari, plus more for serving

2 teaspoons maple syrup

2 drops liquid smoke (see WTF below)

3 teaspoons canola oil

2 portobello mushrooms, stemmed

1 teaspoon sesame oil

2 cups cooked sushi rice (recipe follows)

1 or 2 sheets nori, cut into sixteen 4-inch-by-½-inch strips

¼ cup store-bought kabayaki sauce or Sexy Kabayaki Sauce (recipe follows,

page 132)

Sesame seeds, for garnish

Wasabi paste, for serving

In

a

large

bowl,

whisk

together

1

tablespoon

tamari,

the

maple

syrup,

liquid

smoke,

and

1

teaspoon

of

the

canola

oil,

then

add

the

mushrooms

and

toss

to

coat.

In

a

medium

skillet,

heat

the

remain-

ing

2

teaspoons

canola

oil

over

medium

heat.

Place

the

mush-

rooms,

gill

side

up,

in

the

pan,

and

sear

for

3

to

4

minutes,

or

until

browned.

Flip

the

mushrooms,

and

drizzle

the

sesame

oil

over

the

tops.

Cook

for

3

to

4

more

minutes,

until

the

mushrooms

are

cooked

all

the

way

through.

Let

cool.

While

the

mushrooms

are

cooling,

take

a

little

bit

of

the

sushi

rice

and

form

it

into

an

oblong

ball

about

the

size

of

a

thumb.

Make

16

of

these.

When

the

mushrooms

are

 

Menu 15. SATAY-DAY NIGHT FEVER

ePub

138

The Sexy Vegan’s HAPPY HOUR AT HOME

Tempeh Satay with Peanut Sauce

Two 8-ounce packages tempeh, cut into 3- to 4-inch slices, each about

½ inch thick

½ cup low-sodium tamari

¼ cup mirin

3 garlic cloves, crushed

1 thumb-size piece ginger, peeled and sliced

3 ½ cups water

½ cup arrowroot

½ cup rice flour

1 cup panko bread crumbs

½ cup sweetened coconut shreds

Salt and pepper

2 tablespoons canola or other neutral-flavored oil

16 wooden skewers

Sesame seeds, for garnish

Lime wedges, for garnish

1 ½ cups store-bought peanut sauce or Sexy Peanut Sauce (recipe follows)

In

a

medium

pot,

combine

the

tempeh

slices,

tamari,

mirin,

garlic,

ginger,

and

3

cups

of

the

water,

and

bring

to

simmer

over

medium-

high

heat.

Simmer

for

15

minutes,

until

the

tempeh

has

softened

somewhat.

Then

remove

them

from

the

pot

with

a

slotted

spoon

and

set

aside

to

cool.

Once

the

tempeh

is

cooked,

set

up

your

breading

station.

In

a

medium

bowl,

whisk

together

the

remaining

½

cup

water

and

the

arrowroot.

Spread

out

the

rice

flour

on

a

large

plate.

On

an-

other

large

plate,

mix

together

the

bread

crumbs

and

coconut,

and

season

with

salt

 

Menu 16. STATE FAIR FARE

ePub

M

E

N

U

16

M

an,

do

I

hate

the

fair.

Always

have.

Even

before

I

was

clued

in

on

animal

suffer-

ing

and

vegan

stuff,

I

still

avoided

the

fair

like

the

plague.

My

friends

would

always

be

like,

“Hey,

let’s

go

to

the

fair!”

And

I’d

be

like,

“Let

me

get

this

straight:

You

want

me

to

walk

around

all

day

in

some

filthy,

stinky

farmland

and

throw

some

balls

and

rings

at

stuff,

so

I

can

win

shitty,

useless

prizes

that

I

have

to

carry

around

all

day

and

will

end

up

throwing

away

when

I

get

home?

And

then

I’m

going

to

eat

so

much

sausage,

hot

dogs,

and

funnel

cake

which,

at

first,

I’ll

enjoy

until

I

have

to

take

three

separate

dumps

in

Porta-Johns,

before

we

spend

an

hour

finding

our

car

and

another

hour

getting

out

of

the

park-

ing

lot?

That’s

how

you’ll

have

me

spending

my

Saturday?

I

don’t

even

care

if

Warrant

is

opening

for

Stryper!

No,

thank

you!”

Just

because

I

hate

the

fair,

though,

doesn’t

mean

I

hate

the

food.

I

love

the

food.

And

corn

dogs

are

at

the

top

of

the

list.

P.S.

Wow!

I

just

went

and

watched

a

Stryper

video,

and

I

recommend

you

do

the

same.

You

will

not

be

disappointed.

L

I

B

A

T

I

O

N

R

E

C

O

M

M

E

N

D

A

T

I

O

N

Since

we’re

dealing

with

some

extremely,

ahem,

casual

food

here,

I’d

pair

it

with

a

Starburst

(see

recipe,

page 201)

.

.

 

Menu 17. GLENNTIL TAMALE BITES

ePub

M

E

N

U

17

I

have

a

friend.

His

name

is

Glenn.

A

few

years

back,

my

friends

and

I

went

on

a

camp-

ing

trip

to

Montana,

and

on

this

trip

some-

one

came

up

with

the

bright

idea

of

working

the

name

Glenn

into

famous

people’s

names

and

other

words.

It

just

worked

too

well:

Glen-

nifer

Aniston,

Jimmy

Glenndrix,

Glennard

Nimoy,

Harry

and

the

Glenndersons,

Glenntil

Soup,

and,

my

personal

favorite,

Glennjaglenn

Frankglenn.

Years

later,

and

we’re

still

coming

up

with

new

ones.

So

the

great

Crandall,

my

former

cam-

eraman

and

contributor

of

the

epic

belch

you

hear

at

the

end

of

each

Sexy

Vegan

episode,

developed

a

website

as

a

way

to

collect

the

terms

that

we

came

up

with.

If

you

have

a

friend

named

Glenn,

go

to

UrGlenndictionary.com

for

a

good

start

on

Glennded

terms.

You

can

even

submit

your

own.

If

you

don’t

have

a

friend

named

Glenn,

go

find

one

it’ll

be

worth

it.

Anyway,

I

really

love

tamales,

but

they

are

rather

laborious,

and

not

fit

for

a

happy

hour

situ-

ation.

As

douchey

as

I

feel

saying

it,

these

would

be

more

like

(gulp)

“deconstructed”

tamales.

Blech

.

.

.

now

I

have

to

go

wash

my

mouth

out.

L

I

B

A

T

I

O

N

R

E

C

O

M

M

E

N

D

A

T

I

O

N

A

Bloody

Vulcan

(see

recipe,

page 193)

is

per-

fect

for

this

menu,

since

you’ve

already

got

 

Menu 18. K-TOWN

ePub

164

The Sexy Vegan’s HAPPY HOUR AT HOME

Bello Bulgogi

Bulgogi

Marinade

1 ½ cups low-sodium tamari

¼ cup plus

2 tablespoons brown sugar

3 tablespoons sesame oil

6 garlic cloves, grated

2 thumb-size pieces fresh ginger, peeled and grated

½ teaspoon chile flakes

4 scallions, thinly sliced

6 portobello mushrooms, stemmed and cut into ½-inch-thick slices

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil

1 medium yellow onion, thinly sliced

1 large carrot, cut into matchsticks

Salt and pepper

1 tablespoon toasted sesame seeds

1 head leafy lettuce (romaine, red leaf, butter), leaves separated

Kimchi, for serving

To

make

the

marinade,

in

a

large

measuring

cup

or

bowl,

combine

the

tamari,

brown

sugar,

sesame

oil,

garlic,

ginger,

chile

flakes,

and

scallions.

Whisk

until

the

sugar

is

dissolved.

Place

the

sliced

mushrooms

in

a

large

zip-top

bag

(you

might

need

2

bags).

Pour

the

marinade

over

the

mushrooms,

and

gently

slosh

them

around

so

they

get

coated.

Squeeze

the

bag

to

suck

out

as

much

air

as

possible,

and

zip

it

closed.

Put

the

bag

in

the

fridge

to

let

the

mushrooms

marinate

for

at

least

2

hours

or

up

to

8

hours,

turning

 

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