The beginning stage of psychotherapy is one of stabilisation, containment, and strengthening the client’s resources to the extent possible. It is too early to look at trauma. Even though there may be identities wanting to talk about what happened to them, at this stage this can be dangerous. This is because it can be too much for the host to manage and can result in an increase in self-harming, suicide attempts, increased drinking, worsening of an eating disorder, or some other harmful behaviour. I explain this to all the identities through the host very early on in therapy.
In this initial stage, psychotherapy needs to focus on strengthening the host so that eventually the trauma events can be shared amongst all of the identities. When clients first attend therapy, there is likely to be a lot of intrusion from one or more of the identities who are stuck in the era and at the age when the trauma took place. This means that current events remind the identities of past trauma, causing these memories to be triggered and partially relived. The host may experience some of the alters’ felt experiences, often anxiety, or she may lose time. However, the host dissociated from the original trauma in order to be able to cope with the feelings at the time and therefore has never had to fully realise all that has happened to her. The ego strength of the host therefore needs to be sufficiently robust in order for her to be able to learn to cope with the memories the alters desperately want to share (Ringrose, 2010). Hence, initially, therapy work is restricted, as far as possible, to working on everyday topics, for example, day-to-day living with DID, current relationships, and work issues.
an environment so far out of my comfort zone that I might as well be visiting Pluto was also a little horrifying. I needed some reassurance.
The information on the front page of the CuddleParty.com website is straightforward and nonthreatening. Yet I couldn’t erase the visions in my mind of middle-aged pony-tailed dudes cruising for young, pretty, affirmation-thumping
New Age women. As I poked around the internet, however, photos of past parties, revealing bare arms intertwining indistinguishably in a sea of flannel-pajama bottoms and overstuffed pillows, tapped into a deep fear inside of me.
Thoughts of germs and cold, clammy hands running lightly across my back while moaning and sighing mixed with enchanted dolphin music invoked visions of what I imagined would be not unlike an unwilling visit to a couple’s tantra retreat. My blood pressure rose. I laughed nervously. I decided that I needed to go and see for myself.
As we drove the streets of San Francisco, Skye already sporting his completely awesome glow-in-the-dark footie pajamas, I prayed that we would be lost for so long that they would not admit our late arrival. Being one of the most grounded and open-minded of my friends, Skye was there to calm my nerves and talk me down from the extreme anxiety I was experiencing.
If you stored your fortune in a safe deposit box, you wouldnt keep the key hanging on a hook outside your house. The same should be true of your passwords: if you keep them written on a whiteboard by your desk, theyre not safe. But even if you dont write them down anywhere, there are many ways someone might discover your passwords.
In this chapter, I look at some of the ways your passwords might fall into the wrong hands, and give you tips on keeping them safe. I also discuss backing up your passwords and devising a plan to ensure that your passwords are available in case of emergency.
Suppose you have a fantastic password that would take the worlds best supercomputers centuries to crack. Youve stored the password in your password manager, but it uses a weaker master password thats easier to remember. And because you still worry that you might forget it, you store your master password in an unencrypted text file on your hard disk. You can see where Im going with this: youve nullified the security of that great password, because someone can get to it by way of the text file that unlocks your password manager, without any guessing or cracking. Even without that file, your super-strong password is reduced to the strength of your master password.
“Charisma” refers to a spiritual gift or talent or to the personal magnetism associated with some celebrities and political leaders. It connotes a trait, something ingrained, not something that service providers can do. Service with charisma, on the other hand, has to do with a willingness to take bold action. It also has to do with trusting your employees enough to encourage boldness.
“Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin in boldness,” wrote
German poet-philosopher Johann von Goethe. “Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.” Scottish explorer W.H. Murray echoed the same sentiment when he wrote, “Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. . . [T]he moment one deﬁnitely commits oneself, then Providence moves, too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.”
Charismatic service is countercultural, unexpected, and goes against the grain. It is sometimes cut of unfamiliar cloth. And while any speciﬁc act of charismatic service might not be that unconventional, it springs from a place that is. It is that place—that restless, unsettled place—that leaders must occupy if they are to model and encourage boldness. This is the habitat of ground-breaking pioneers and norm-breaking entrepreneurs. It is also where inventors and artists of all types reside.